Reply to (Vacation wife) Help. Spiraling.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I only read the first six pages- but why has no one suggested Al Anon for this OP?! Stop trying to keep him from failing, keeping him propped up will only extend this. He should also go to AA where they can call him out on his BS.  [/quote]

Yeah, I wrote the response directly above and that was my thought too.

On the day he left me, I told my stbx that he had a drinking problem. He said, "Thank you so much for telling me," like I had said something really nice. Um, OK. I told him he couldn't drive our kids if he'd been drinking. We put it in our separation agreement. My kids know not to drive with him if he's had more than two drinks. There's nothing else I can do. I can't make him stop drinking. He hasn't faced any consequences (directly) for it yet.

I did have 48 hours a couple of months ago where I felt like I should write him a letter about it. I spent some time writing the letter. "You say you don't always see things clearly . . ." Then I realized, no. I already told him this. I'm just frustrated that my speech didn't magically fix him, so now I'm going to try again. No. There's no point. The urge to send him a letter passed. I think it was also part of the grief process, that I never got the emotional consideration/apology/empathy/remorse that I deserve for all that he did and didn't do. But I'm really coming to know, deep down in my bones, that it doesn't matter. That nothing he could say or do would make the situation better. That my closure is in accepting his flaws and the impact they had on my life. I don't need to forgive him or help him or teach him.

And I know I've detached because I just really don't care. I don't care that he's taking his girlfriend on a trip we were going to take. I don't care when he asks for updates about stuff in my life . . . I don't wish him ill, but I don't respect him or his opinion, so I don't see any point in chatting with him. It's fine, we have a history, we share a love of our amazing children. But his path is his and mine is mine.

You've got to let him go, OP.[/quote]

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