Reply to I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does anyone else find the moms with the biggest mean girl tendencies are the ones that never left the town they grew up in and/or work in a ms/hs setting? It’s like they never matured past high school.

I’ve found that to be the case where I currently live. I also know several girls that were mean in high school never left the town where I grew up (different part of the country) and work as ms/hs teachers or administrators. I don’t really know them as adults though. [/quote]

x100000 They don't want you to question their emotionally stunted, rank and file, status quo BS - which is actually hilarious, to those who are more emotionally and socially age appropriate.  [/quote]
What’s hilarious actually is women complaining about other women being mean and then turning around and doing the same thing.[/quote]

I kind of agree on this. The easiest way to tell if someone is a mean girl is if they speak poorly about others. If they generally have positive things to say about others and/or bite their tongues about the negative, they're good people. If you think someone is mean but you are bad mouthing them to others, you're just as bad. [/quote]

I fully agree that saying unkind things about the "mean girls" just makes you mean. The people who are like "tell her that's a sign of menopause" or "whatever she's probably just insecure because you're prettier" strike me as just as mean as the woman OP is talking about.

But there are also people who really know how to work other people. There are at the people who "love bomb" which others on the thread have mentioned -- you meet them and they are incredibly positive, complimentary, and kind, until you are in the "inner circle", and then they reveal the meanness. They are just political about how they deploy it. I had a good friend for years like this -- she was always nice to people's faces and said kind things about people in mixed company, but then when she though she could trust you, she'd tell you what she really thought. It turned out she was a massive gossip, just a careful one. And I was dumb because even though I noticed her gossipy tendency (and didn't participate in it, I'd usually just change the subject), it didn't occur to me that she was doing the same thing to me behind my back. Dumb, she obviously was.

I've also known people who know how to selectively deploy their niceness towards people they view as serving their purposes. People who kiss up to management, know how to flatter and ingratiate themselves with the PTA board, who suck up to teachers and coaches, etc. But if they deem someone to be not useful to them, they'll be mean to their faces and behind their backs.

There are also people who are "good people" who do sometimes say negative things about others, because sometimes others do or say negative things that are worth mentioning. There's a difference between idle gossip ("I think Kelly spoils her kids rotten") and a valid complaint or discussion of a personal experience ("I was really bothered by something Kelly said to my kid the other day, it hurt my feelings and I don't know what to do about it").

It's not as black and white as you lay it out.[/quote]

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