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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What about an electronic picture frame?  You can preload childhood pictures of your son, and current pictures of the couple maybe even conspire with her mother to get pictures from her childhood.  (just them, though - there may be times they won’t want to look over and see you or other extended family members looking back.  If they want you in the rotation, they can add you in). Then, over time, they can add pictures of the life they build together.  [/quote]

OMG. Could some young people please chime in??? No one besides my 80 year old mother wants this gift.[/quote]

What is your suggestion?  [/quote]

Probably doesn’t have one.

Ok, young people, what would this bride like?  Op said she likes to garden.  Something to plant in honor of their wedding day?[/quote]

My brilliant idea is to stop acting total strangers who are clearly much older online, and to simply ASK HER what she would want. Then LISTEN TO AND RESPECT what she says.

She may say a set of top-tier culinary knives. She may say a sculpture. She may say nothing, truly. She may say a trip to a luxury spa. She may say money to help pay off grad school loans. She may say an expensive camera. Whatever she says, you listen to her. Even if it is nothing.[/quote]

I respectfully disagree with this sentiment. Yes be a good MIL and listen to her wishes as a normal course of everyday life. But for special event gifts, I think a big part of the point is that it comes as a surprise and from the thoughtfulness and intention of the giver. It should be received and given as such (no, it won't be exactly what you wanted but learn to appreciate it!).[/quote]

My MIL bought me a lot of things I didn't want and don't use, when I first joined the family. I really love my in laws - and I felt so guilty over these gifts. Of course I appreciate them wanting me to feel welcome and part of the family - that's why I love them so much - but gifts can be a landmine. If you get something $$ that DIL doesn't like or knows won't fit or whatever, it could make her feel really bad - and I know that's not the intention.

I really think the best thing is for OP to tell the DIL how much she loves her, and how excited she is to join the family - and that she wants to buy her something special. And like PP said, just listen to what she says. But also know she may not want to tell you - it's hard asking other people to spend money on you.

Maybe OP should ask her son what he thinks she'd want. Her son will likely have less emotion tied up in the answer.[/quote]
Op here again.  Thanks for these sentiments.  She definitely knows how loved she is. And I’m growing a sunflower garden for her to use at her wedding, we went dress shopping together , we go out to lunch and chat all the time.   It is so meaningful to me, too, that we have this close relationship .  She has become extremely close to my older daughter , and since she has known my younger son for years is close to him, too.    I will definitely consider all of the advice here.  I don’t want to get her something she feels obligated to use or display.    I know she will remember the sunflower garden around the arbor forever .  [/quote]

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