Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her a hori hori knife for the garden. I wish I'd had one growing up on the farm. Our garden alone was over an acre. When my mom used mine, she had me order 4 more!

https://www.amazon.com/Hokuru-Hori-Knife-Landscaping-Sharpening/dp/B07WNDQVH2/ref=sr_1_11?keywords=hori+hori&qid=1688411025&sr=8-11

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Very cool! Get one with the protective gloves.

I mean any quilt. They look old fashioned. I do not live in a country home in Kentucky that was built in 1842. I don't believe in "country chic".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A plaque? I’m dying! 😂

I’m kind of curious what plaque would be appropriate here, too! Like what does a plaque even say?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping that when people say they don't want quilts, they mean store-purchased quilt.

There may be a legacy of hand-sewn quilts which have been in their family for generations, made by grandmothers or great grandmothers. The fabrics and embroidery may tell a story of the family's history. They are truly made with love, care and thought. Years ago, women may not have had the money for new fabrics so they used worn family clothing to build the quilt.

Not long ago, I was at a flea market and bought a beautiful hand-made/hand-stitched cotton quilt from a woman in her 70s whose mother had made it. She said no one in her family wanted it.

I happily told her it would be in a loving home, with me. It cost $20.

I mean any quilt. They look old fashioned. I do not live in a country home in Kentucky that was built in 1842. I don't believe in "country chic".

Not only are you ignorant but you are bigoted. Please explain how you came to the conclusion that quilts only belong with certain folks living in the country? I guess you never heard of the Smithsonian's collection (including those made by the enslaved women like Harriet Powers.) There is a reason so much of women's textile art is gone. It's partly because ignoramuses said it didn't fit their decor and trashed them. How hard would it be to tuck it into a chest or closet. Maybe future generations would want it.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave me a book of all their family recipes in it. I don't even cook but I cherish it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just give her a piece of jewelry based on the meaning/significance even though she doesn’t wear jewelry. I don’t really wear jewelry, but I still appreciate that I have some family heirloom-type pieces because they represent a meaningful connection.

Yes, start off her joining the family by demonstrating to her that you dismiss her individual preferences. Gifts are about you and your family, after all. Not her. She has no value as a person outside of her becoming a Smith.

You sound lovely. Why would that show that OP is dismissing her individual preferences? OP would explain why it’s meaningful and why she’s giving it to her. You can do both — share a family heirloom and also respect her individual preferences via other gifts. I was expressing that I, a non jewelry wearer, would still be touched to receive a family jewelry heirloom from my future MIL.

If you know someone doesn’t like or wear jewelry and you give them jewelry, you are not giving them a gift to please them. You are giving them a “gift” to please you. That is selfish beyond.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't get a gift from my inlaws, but they did write me a very sweet note. However, they wrote in it that they wanted me to call them mom and dad, which was hard for me and I didn't want to. That note made for a lot of awkwardness for a decade until I had kids. Now I just call them grandma and grandpa and can avoid any other name.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about an electronic picture frame? You can preload childhood pictures of your son, and current pictures of the couple maybe even conspire with her mother to get pictures from her childhood. (just them, though - there may be times they won’t want to look over and see you or other extended family members looking back. If they want you in the rotation, they can add you in). Then, over time, they can add pictures of the life they build together.

OMG. Could some young people please chime in??? No one besides my 80 year old mother wants this gift.

What is your suggestion?

Probably doesn’t have one.

Ok, young people, what would this bride like? Op said she likes to garden. Something to plant in honor of their wedding day?

My brilliant idea is to stop acting total strangers who are clearly much older online, and to simply ASK HER what she would want. Then LISTEN TO AND RESPECT what she says.

She may say a set of top-tier culinary knives. She may say a sculpture. She may say nothing, truly. She may say a trip to a luxury spa. She may say money to help pay off grad school loans. She may say an expensive camera. Whatever she says, you listen to her. Even if it is nothing.

I respectfully disagree with this sentiment. Yes be a good MIL and listen to her wishes as a normal course of everyday life. But for special event gifts, I think a big part of the point is that it comes as a surprise and from the thoughtfulness and intention of the giver. It should be received and given as such (no, it won't be exactly what you wanted but learn to appreciate it!).

My MIL bought me a lot of things I didn't want and don't use, when I first joined the family. I really love my in laws - and I felt so guilty over these gifts. Of course I appreciate them wanting me to feel welcome and part of the family - that's why I love them so much - but gifts can be a landmine. If you get something $$ that DIL doesn't like or knows won't fit or whatever, it could make her feel really bad - and I know that's not the intention.

I really think the best thing is for OP to tell the DIL how much she loves her, and how excited she is to join the family - and that she wants to buy her something special. And like PP said, just listen to what she says. But also know she may not want to tell you - it's hard asking other people to spend money on you.

Maybe OP should ask her son what he thinks she'd want. Her son will likely have less emotion tied up in the answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping that when people say they don't want quilts, they mean store-purchased quilt.

There may be a legacy of hand-sewn quilts which have been in their family for generations, made by grandmothers or great grandmothers. The fabrics and embroidery may tell a story of the family's history. They are truly made with love, care and thought. Years ago, women may not have had the money for new fabrics so they used worn family clothing to build the quilt.

Not long ago, I was at a flea market and bought a beautiful hand-made/hand-stitched cotton quilt from a woman in her 70s whose mother had made it. She said no one in her family wanted it.

I happily told her it would be in a loving home, with me. It cost $20.

I mean any quilt. They look old fashioned. I do not live in a country home in Kentucky that was built in 1842. I don't believe in "country chic".

Not only are you ignorant but you are bigoted. Please explain how you came to the conclusion that quilts only belong with certain folks living in the country? I guess you never heard of the Smithsonian's collection (including those made by the enslaved women like Harriet Powers.) There is a reason so much of women's textile art is gone. It's partly because ignoramuses said it didn't fit their decor and trashed them. How hard would it be to tuck it into a chest or closet. Maybe future generations would want it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly gift giving is tricky and people value different things. Taste in art changes as their home changes, time for hobbies change. Don't stress out about a perfect gift. It could just be an experience like a massage before the wedding. Something not too big but meaningful as their home and family changes, like that Christmas ornament (or a mezuzah etc).

Just be a good human being and treat her well. That's the best gift any MIL can give.

Op I think you are putting too much stress on a gift. For me personally, there is very little physical stuff I value. My generation just doesn’t do china, or jewelry, engraving or heirloom type stuff. Art is terrible because if she doesn’t like it, she’s stuck with it on her wall forever and it will possibly cause resentment. I would prefer a heartfealt card or an experience. Could you offer to pay for the honeymoon or a weekend away together?

I don’t want you to set yourself up for a bad reaction and many of these gift suggestions won’t get the reaction you are going for. My MIL made us a cross stitched thing with our wedding date and framed it. It became a huge source of resentment because I didn’t react big enough and then she would complain we didn’t hang it front and center when she came to visit. Really, it was about her and not anything I would like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am hoping that when people say they don't want quilts, they mean store-purchased quilt.

There may be a legacy of hand-sewn quilts which have been in their family for generations, made by grandmothers or great grandmothers. The fabrics and embroidery may tell a story of the family's history. They are truly made with love, care and thought. Years ago, women may not have had the money for new fabrics so they used worn family clothing to build the quilt.

Not long ago, I was at a flea market and bought a beautiful hand-made/hand-stitched cotton quilt from a woman in her 70s whose mother had made it. She said no one in her family wanted it.

I happily told her it would be in a loving home, with me. It cost $20.

I mean any quilt. They look old fashioned. I do not live in a country home in Kentucky that was built in 1842. I don't believe in "country chic".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just give her a piece of jewelry based on the meaning/significance even though she doesn’t wear jewelry. I don’t really wear jewelry, but I still appreciate that I have some family heirloom-type pieces because they represent a meaningful connection.

Yes, start off her joining the family by demonstrating to her that you dismiss her individual preferences. Gifts are about you and your family, after all. Not her. She has no value as a person outside of her becoming a Smith.

You sound lovely. Why would that show that OP is dismissing her individual preferences? OP would explain why it’s meaningful and why she’s giving it to her. You can do both — share a family heirloom and also respect her individual preferences via other gifts. I was expressing that I, a non jewelry wearer, would still be touched to receive a family jewelry heirloom from my future MIL.