Reply to Why don’t more parents understand that adult kids have leverage nowadays to cut off contact, and

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Growing up, my mom was emotionally abusive to me.  I learned to look elsewhere (and primarily within) to fulfill my emotional needs.

I started working at 16 and haven’t stopped. My mom never gave me a penny as an adult, which was fine - I love that I support myself.

When I had kids, my mom never babysat or offered any assistance. No problem - I created a village with DH, friends and paid caregivers.

As a result of my mom’s emotional, financial and physica unavailability, I have become self sufficient and independent. I don’t need anything from her. However, it also means there’s nothing tying me to my mom. About two years ago, my mom said something particularly cruel to me over the phone. I hung up on her. She has never reached out since, nor have I. It has made absolutely no difference in my life.

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Phew!! Glad for you that you created a good family for yourself. I feel similarly, I became very self sufficient and very independent, and now I understand I have to back off of that stance, not in regard to my family of origin, but in regard to my present relationships. I am unable to ask for help. Unable to understand that someone might help me. Unable to accept I won't be slandered by asking for help. It's OK, I get therapy and these realizations come along. Thanks for your post, it helped me realize the above. Also, I am cut off from my mom for 6 years now. Good decision for me but heartbreaking,. I did it many years after she showed me she did not care about me, my survival, my interests, my life.[/quote]

Yes!  By high school I had learned that I needed to figure everything out by myself. Not because she was physically or financially unable to help, but because she would make it so unnecessarily difficult, deride me, hold it against me, etc. I remember in my twenties resenting friends who did rely on others to solve their problems. And then in my thirties, I began to realize that my friends were actually displaying normal, healthy behavior… I share your heartbreak PP but cheers to us for making a better life for ourselves. [/quote]

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