Reply to DH won't use any inheritance for a house

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]The problem seems to be that and your DH have different priorities.  He is family-oriented while you are financially oriented.[/b]

You are also pretty ignorant about serious mental health conditions and money.  Your DH is right to be concerned that his brother will be preyed upon or will otherwise be penniless shortly after receiving any inheritance.

Finally, are you both in agreement about how much house to buy and how to finance it, or do you want a nicer house than he feels the need for, and you want him to fund the more expensive house with his inheritance?[/quote]

You can also say the opposite. DH is financially oriented for wanting to stockpile his money for his brother and not share it like OP, while OP wants to use the money to better life for her own family.[/quote]

This was my read as well.  OP said in her opener, [quote]Over the course of our marriage I have received substantial financial support from my parents that have greatly benefited our family (help with a down payment on our current house, funding kids' private school and 529s, as well as cash gifts that I have used for house upgrades and family vacations). [/quote]

I think the course correction here is for OP to stop comingling her own inheritance, especially since her DH won't dip into his.  Save it in a separate, rainy day fund for herself.  That alone should help relieve some of the resentment she feels, which I think I would also feel under the circumstances she has described.  [/quote]

You’re missing the point. OP can’t “stop commingling” the gifts from her parents because she’s [u]spending[/u] it all.  They are already living well beyond their actual means  (private schools, home, upgrades, travel) and her DH (rightfully so) is probably terrified to get into an even bigger hole. “High six figures” is not that much when you’re talking about long term security. Set aside the brother for a minute — even with the inheritances coming in, I suspect they haven’t saved anything like the amount of $$ that would sustain the life style that OP wants to lead into retirement. Based on what I’ve heard of their finances, I wouldn’t be comfortable putting that much of my net worth into real estate, especially in the current market.

OP also hasn’t (as far as I’ve seen) told how much she thinks is appropriate to spend on a house vs. what they can afford. I also suspect that her DH doesn’t agree that they *need* the bigger house in the first place. [/quote]

I was going to post something similar to this - I just don't think OP is very financially savvy and she is definitely spending beyond their means (which is why her parents pay for private school, vacation, and contributed to buying their first home). I wish OP would tell us how much money we're actually talking about here.[/quote]

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