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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.   I now realize that I need to have some difficult conversations with DH about plans for his brother.  The fact that we are making a major financial decision of purchasing a new home, that his mother is unequivocally old, and that his brother is undeniably serious ill is bringing this all to a head.

I should have mentioned earlier that we have substantial savings that we have accumulated over the course of our marriage through our salaries.  It is of course easier to save a lot when we have received the kind of support from my parents that we have.  DH also refuses to use any of our savings for a new house.  He says it's an "emergency fund."  I'm thinking more about this and I think he's full of it--we would only need that kind of money if both of us were out of work for years and the house completely fell apart.  That seems unlikely.  I think he just likes the idea of saving large amounts of money which he plans to spend on his brother.  We can actually afford the kind of house I would like.  He just doesn't want to dip into savings or cut our savings rate.  So he's basically telling me, if you want a house with a yard big enough for a swing set and sandbox and a rec room  for the kids to hang out in, your parents are going to have to pay for it.  This hurts and I don't think is sustainable for the marriage.[/quote]

Unnecessarily excessive crap
To make sure your kids turn out as rotten and spoiled as you . Could have a normal
House without wasting all the money and without seeming like a test. I legit would just divorce you [/quote]

I have read many responses to this post, but here are my thoughts:

1. The years a kid uses a swing set and sandbox are very few. They become eyesores then and people want to get rid of them. We went to lots of playgrounds and that worked just fine.

2. A Rec room is nice, but again, not necessary. We live in an older house and have a very small Rec room set up. It works just fine and doubles as an office. The Rec room’s features and size aren’t what makes it the house others want to hang out at - it just makes it nice.

3. I inherited a large amount of money. I elect what I spend my money on and my spouse has never pressured me in any way or even asked. I’d be furious if he did.

4. His inheritance is his separate property. Family gifts to you alone are your separate property. You’re mad he won’t use his separate property to buy you something you want because you feel forced to use our separate property (additional gifts) to buy something you want. That’s essentially it bc he doesn’t particularly want the nicer house.

5. Was the part that you had enough savings for the house a new fact you just added? Your husband is planning ahead for the future care and support of at least 3 people.

6. You said in the op that his dad would have given the brother more had he wanted the brother to have more. What do you think should happen, support wise, to the brother if his share ran out?  [/quote]

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