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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.   I now realize that I need to have some difficult conversations with DH about plans for his brother.  The fact that we are making a major financial decision of purchasing a new home, that his mother is unequivocally old, and that his brother is undeniably serious ill is bringing this all to a head.

I should have mentioned earlier that we have substantial savings that we have accumulated over the course of our marriage through our salaries.  It is of course easier to save a lot when we have received the kind of support from my parents that we have.  DH also refuses to use any of our savings for a new house.  He says it's an "emergency fund."  I'm thinking more about this and I think he's full of it--we would only need that kind of money if both of us were out of work for years and the house completely fell apart.  That seems unlikely.  I think he just likes the idea of saving large amounts of money which he plans to spend on his brother.  We can actually afford the kind of house I would like.  He just doesn't want to dip into savings or cut our savings rate.  So he's basically telling me, if you want a house with a yard big enough for a swing set and sandbox and a rec room  for the kids to hang out in, your parents are going to have to pay for it.  This hurts and I don't think is sustainable for the marriage.[/quote]

Then you should leave. You’d be doing him a favor. Then you can buy the house you — oops, I mean “your parents” — can afford.[/quote]

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