Reply to S/O How do you justify having an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did he ever say “I regret it” or just a whole lot of what he was thinking?[/quote]

I don't know who you're asking, but probably the PP above me (I'm the second 10:09 poster).

It took my husband longer to get to regret. Unlike the post above mine, he didn't throw the OW under the bus immediately. He had vilified me and idealized their relationship in order to deal with his guilt. It explained why he had been acting like a tortured martyr for several months and complaining about every little thing ("you don't ask about my day enough" . . . yeah, maybe not compared to the OW who is desperate to land you full-time I don't).

But as soon as the cord was severed with the OW he began to realize it was all smoke and mirrors. He was obliviously exclaiming, "It's like we're on our second honeymoon! I don't even miss her!" like this would be a welcome thing to say to your betrayed wife.

Obviously he regretted it immediately, especially the part where he realized that he blew up a perfectly good marriage over some pretzel logic. He also isn't heartless and he felt bad for leading the OW on, though he didn't think he was at the time. Remorse came later, after he had developed deeper empathy and the emotional resilience to handle his shame. [/quote]

PP- I wish we were friends IRL. I had the EXACT same experience down to my reaction and our conversations on DDay. Same affair too- solid enough marriage (also the you don't ask about my day thing), villianizing me, AP lived across the country, she had no self esteem and was obsessed with stalking me.[/quote]

Oh my gosh, I'll be your affair survivor buddy. :)

The "you don't ask about my day" thing is sooooo silly. We'd been together 15 years, and I was taking care of preschool aged children all day . . . no, I didn't greet him with a martini and give him a back massage while asking about the highlights of his day. I just figured that extroverted him would tell introverted me if anything of note happened. But if you're comparing your wife to the OW who is hanging off your every word as she auditions for the role of wife, then yeah, the wife will appear disinterested by comparison. The bullshlt thing is having it be a comparison at all! "Forsaking all others . . . unless they ask me how my day went more often than you do, in which case all bets are off . . . "  :roll: 
[/quote]

Truly, you are speaking to my soul. How long has it been since you found out? Did you guys reconcile?[/quote]

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