Reply to Boyfriend might go on vacation with his ex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I don’t think his boundaries are poor and I don’t think he has poor judgment. I think you just need to decide if his chosen boundaries are incompatible with your being satisfied with your relationship with him.[/quote]

I mean...come on. Who knows if this guy has poor boundaries or judgement. But inviting your ex on vacation with your extended family, while separated and not divorced yet, no matter what the circumstances are (ie ex's illness), is confusing at best for *everyone*, most notably the kids, but also OP (and the guy's family!). Look, divorce sucks, which is why you have to really be a grown-up and draw crystal clear lines about what's happening. The time for will-we-or-won't-we is past, and folks who live in nebulous territory pull a whole lot of people along with them, which really isn't fair.

Again I'm not saying the guy's bad news. But framing this as a completely benign event that is merely OP's job to tolerate (or not) is pretty disingenuous. Sure, she can vote with her feet. But I'm assuming she's got pretty normal, monogamous expectations of this relationship, in which she's invested 7 mos. They both have kids and have established a timeline of those kids meeting. She's invested. Knowing this, if dude wants some half in/half out situation, he's kind of a d*ck.[/quote]

This doesn’t sound nebulous or unclear. Op is envious age wasn’t invited and creating a crisis around it to cope and feel like the calm one. Dude is doing something thoughtful for his kids. No one is playing will they won’t they. Plenty of divorced families vacation together and it’s not a think. Op will prob be included next year as well if she chooses to give her partner space to parent his own children through this trip. [/quote]

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