Reply to Messed up marrying the wrong guy, where to go from here

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Reply to "Messed up marrying the wrong guy, where to go from here - give it to me straight please "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh wait you have a kid.

Nope.  Fix it.  Deal.  Not reasons to leave the father of your kid.[/quote]

And your concern shouldn't be whether you can find a new, better husband.  Your post should be about what is best for your daughter.  That is your first priority.  [/quote]

OP, I do agree with you but I think the two are intertwined. I think my daughter would be better off if I could remarry a better husband reasonably quickly. I think my daughter would be worse off if I could not manage to do this and instead face a rocky dating future. [/quote]

I think this mind set is interesting.  You say he's a good dad but your plan is to pretty much find replacement family unit as quickly as possible?  This new person won't be your child's father.

You're going to be giving up 50 percent of her life.  Holidays.  He will date and move on and your daughter will have a step-mother.  Your daughter might have additional siblings.

I just don't think the main focus here should be how quick you can find a new husband.[/quote]

Thank you, I have thought this out carefully and am aware of all you write. I think it might be nice for her to have more siblings if he were to remarry, which I would not begrudge at all. She has a father, I wouldn't expect a new husband to be her father. But I think it would be good for her to see a husband wife relationship where the man is respected by the wife. [/quote]

OP, I think you’re rolling the dice on this issue in a big way. It is just as likely that your daughter will grow up with contempt for you ditching her loving father for whatever guy you hook up with next. What if he’s an ambitious career oriented and fit person who also happens to sneak into your daughter’s room at night, raping her while you sleep oblivious in the next bedroom?

Yeah, I’m terrible for going there. But as a former prosecutor I’ve seen it far too many times. I can’t understand how a woman ditches a solid provider and loving father for the unknown without bending over backwards to save her child’s family first. And yes, that means some serious individual therapy to help you figure out why you are such a judgmental jerk.

Or, play roulette with your daughter’s future physical and emotional well-being, and see if you come out her hero or the person she can’t wait to get away from and estranges from at the first opportunity. You need to consider ALL the likely possibilities, and stop thinking you can CONTROL everything and everyone.[/quote]

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