Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you get divorced (and let's be real women who have this attitude at your age typically get divorced), honestly, don't even bother with relationships again until you've had a LOT of therapy.

Your thought process sounds very selfish and immature. Marriage is not all about you and your husband is not some accessory that needs to be fit and make a lot of money to make you look good.

This toxic dynamic that you've established with him also affects him and his confidence and ability to excel- you have contempt for him, which makes him feel uncomfortable and insecure, which leads him to be insecure at work and eat his feelings, which only makes you show more contempt, and so on. I mean, how would you feel if the person who is supposed to be your partner and main support in life thought you were some loser? Further, what would you have done if your husband was ill and you really had to take care of him? Would you have dumped him? He really deserves better. Anybody would.

And news flash, you're not Meghan Markle and successful men aren't going to line up to marry a 37 year old divorcee with a toddler no matter how fit you are. There's just a lot of magical thinking reflected in your posts.

Did you divorce?

(BTW, I think OP should divorce her DH for his sake. I can't imagine someone I love and live with having such contempt for me. And having my DD witnessing such dysfunction. I am sure DD will be disappointing her mom sometime soon, if she hasn't already, and at least she will be someone who loves her for her half of the week.)

My husband explicitly told me he thought I was a loser in a whole variety of different ways -- my appearance, my job, his lack of desire to spend time with me - and, no, it didn't make me insecure at work and I didn't eat my feelings, because I don't depend on one person for my entire self-image. It was deeply unpleasant, but it affected my sense of him a lot more than my sense of myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Of course this is DCUM so everyone wants to make this about money, but it’s not about money. It’s about respect and how I don’t have any left for DH.

I am also not under the delusion that I’ll easily find a new husband, although yes that would be what I want. I married ty he wrong person, and I may have/probably did lose out on the chance to have my most dearly held dream of a happy marriage to a man I admire and respect.

So now I have the unenviable choice of learning to accept being married to a man I don’t respect or get divorced at 37 with a toddler and face that fate.

It’s a tough spot. Really not sure which path to take.

Every single last one of your posts has been about achievement and money. It's about money for you. Save your attempt to painting yourself as a victim because you don't like being called out for your toxicity.

PPs are right, you are immature and emotionally abusive, but these are the least of your problems. Your real issue is you suffer from a major personality flaw or disorder that is unlikely to be corrected and you will be miserable in any marriage you have. What's even sadder is eventually you will have the same nasty attitude towards your daughter when she fails to be the exact extension of yourself you think she should be,

Anonymous wrote:Men your age are going to want a women who doesn’t have any kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait you have a kid.

Nope. Fix it. Deal. Not reasons to leave the father of your kid.

And your concern shouldn't be whether you can find a new, better husband. Your post should be about what is best for your daughter. That is your first priority.

OP, I do agree with you but I think the two are intertwined. I think my daughter would be better off if I could remarry a better husband reasonably quickly. I think my daughter would be worse off if I could not manage to do this and instead face a rocky dating future.

I think this mind set is interesting. You say he's a good dad but your plan is to pretty much find replacement family unit as quickly as possible? This new person won't be your child's father.

You're going to be giving up 50 percent of her life. Holidays. He will date and move on and your daughter will have a step-mother. Your daughter might have additional siblings.

I just don't think the main focus here should be how quick you can find a new husband.

Thank you, I have thought this out carefully and am aware of all you write. I think it might be nice for her to have more siblings if he were to remarry, which I would not begrudge at all. She has a father, I wouldn't expect a new husband to be her father. But I think it would be good for her to see a husband wife relationship where the man is respected by the wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think he is underachieving and incompetent?

He hates his job, talks about hating it all the time, has for years, but won't take any action. He thinks every move is too risky. Meanwhile, I have quadrupled my income during our marriage (his has completely stagnated), so it is difficult to respect someone who complains but doesn't do anything about it.

Same with his weight. He is perpetually in a state of trying to lose weight but never succeeding. How can I respect someone who claims to want to make a simple change yet simply cannot achieve it?

When I married this person he was fit and graduating from a prestigious graduate program. I am not really sure how I got suckered into this bait and switch, but I have a very hard time just accepting it.

Anonymous wrote:I might be in the minority, but I think if you’re unhappy and think you can find/create a better life for yourself and your kid after divorcing this guy then, do it. If this is where you are now, you’ll eventually get divorced or cheat on him.

Anonymous wrote:Get divorced. Your child doesn't need to grow up observing the contempt you feel for your husband. It's not your fault, but I don't see how things will get better when you look at the world in such different ways.

Also, heavy people get fatter as they get older. And people get more set in their ways and less likely to make big career changes.

Anonymous wrote:I married the wrong person. I just do not respect my husband. I find him incompetent and underachieving. I have learned over our 7 years of marriage that he is all talk and no action, the type to make excuses instead of take action. However, he is a good father to our young daughter.

I am 37. I am fit, attractive, and I have a good job.

Would it be a terrible mistake to divorce? Would it be possible for me to remarry someone I could respect or did that ship realistically sail?

I suppose my choices are just make peace with my husband or take my chances in a divorce. My goals are to have a happy marriage with mutual love and respect and to model that to my daughter.

WWYD?

Anonymous wrote:I read all three of your posts. It sounds like you should really think about divorce. There was a study saying the number one predictor of divorce was when a partner had contempt for the other one. Your DH is not a good fit for you and will likely never become the provider you want him to be. Cut your losses and move forward. If you do choose to stay, do not have more kids with him.

Anonymous wrote:You are too old and used up to demand anything