Reply to Here's the thing I don't understand about husbands who don't help out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really wasn't the expert on these things when we were dating and first married.  We were both a little clueless about it.  We didn't cook much, and didn't really "grocery shop" the way that I do now.  We cleaned some whenever people were coming over, but not other than that.  I didn't see myself as being in a position to tell him if he got the right things at the grocery store or cleaned the bathroom correctly.  WTF do I know?

None of this really mattered until we had children.  When our oldest started crawling, walking, and eating normal food, my standards on what was acceptable changed.  I could wear sandals and bathe in a dirty shower, but I wasn't going to bathe my baby in one.  I could live without vacuuming for a month, but my baby was crawling all over the floors and putting his hands and every piece of dirt or lint in his mouth.  DH and I could grab some food on our way home from work and eat in the car, but I wanted my toddler to have real food and family meals.

I started learning how to do all of these tasks and incorporate them into my life because I took on the bulk of the childcare (for all of the reasons that women normally do).  DH didn't learn how to do them because he threw himself into work.  We were probably 5 years into our marriage before I started feeling resentful that ALL of this was falling on me, and by that point it was really hard to change the dynamic.    [/quote]

Yeah see I would have given my husband three options:

1.  Do your share 
2.  Hire someone to do it (In your case a housekeeper multiple times a week)
3.  I move out with 50/50 custody [/quote]

I did hire it out for a few years [b]after my third was born[/b].  I couldn’t do it anymore, and he started expecting that it would be done. We had a housekeeper 25 hours/week.  I don’t really recall giving DH an option, but maybe I did.

My point was just that this was gradual.  It wasn’t like we moved in together and he didn’t know how to take care of himself, so I taught him how.  [/quote]

You had a third baby with a man child?  And now you’re complaining and you say it was gradual.  Cmon.  You made conscious decisions along the way the led to this situation.  Including having a third baby!  Take control of your life and stand up for yourself.

This just reenforces  my belief that women are a big part of the problem   [/quote]

Say what you will about me.  DH is a man child, or I am weak or a woman child because I wasn’t a good cook or housekeeper before we were married and couldn’t train my husband.  But don’t say that my children should never have been born.  
You should meet my third child.  She is eight years old now and absolutely wonderful.  She is brilliant and brave and beautiful and kind.  She is a wonderful public speaker and will talk about the importance of love and kindness to big groups of people, including other children and adults. She loves music and math and writes long stories about a fantasy world where butterflies have six wings and telekinesis.  DH and I are so lucky to be her parents.

Compared to parenthood, housework is such small stuff.

[/quote]

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