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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
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OP here. Wow, maybe he does have ADHD. It is as if you are describing my husband exactly. With all that is already on my plate,[b] I do not have the time to coddle him through [/b]going to get evaluated and treated though. He doesn’t want to face reality. I feel like a hostage because I worry about sharing custody with this simpleton, but life with him is intolerable.[/quote]

Wow. I think I have my answer.

You do not have time to "coddle" him because you feel like he's a "simpleton." Sounds like he'd be better off without you, truth be told.

And instead of insisting everything he does is a problem, you might look in the mirror and consider if you'd benefit from anger management.[/quote]

First order condition is H's ADHD. If he won't admit he has a problem, then all the $$$ for tests, appts, medicine will be for naught. He has to want to improve. He has to see the seriousness of his issues.

The problem is his ADHD brain keeps messing up. The problem is not someone is disappointed, let down and angry for all these constant mess-ups. Being angry is a natural reaction to living with an ADHD partner.  Always not doing half of what you agreed to do is not normal.

During the first 1 or 2 years of treatment he WILL have to be coddled, like a baby.  He has to build adult executive functioning skills, organization systems that work for him, time management schedules that are more efficient and effective, actually have to do a basic level of planning for things.  He will need to be coddled.

Meanwhile, you will have to still be primary adult in the household, he is not capable.

If coddling your adult husband is not for you, then seriously consider divorce or just cutting him out of most household responsibilities and simplifying his life as much as possible so he is not overwhelmed and short-circuiting.  If you divorce and have to suffer through 50/50 custody with an ADHD'er it will be the same hell on earth and possibly worse for your kids since a true adult will not be with them 50% of the month. Not funny. Quite scary. [/quote]

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