Anonymous wrote:NP. Their total lack of reaction time to danger around kids practically gave me anxiety.
* Reparking the car- don't realize their 3 yo followed them out.
*2 yo with fingers in hinge of heavy door that the wind is slamming shut. he just sits there chatting w his friend.
* Baby slowly rolling out couch onto hardware floor, and he mother saying "catch her!". No response.
* 2 yo following him out the door and it slams right on her. No response.

Actually his response was to get angry and defensive since usually at the point of danger someone was shouting at him to stop or to do something.

I cringe when he says he's taking the kids to the pool. It's horrible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Their total lack of reaction time to danger around kids practically gave me anxiety.
* Reparking the car- don't realize their 3 yo followed them out.
*2 yo with fingers in hinge of heavy door that the wind is slamming shut. he just sits there chatting w his friend.
* Baby slowly rolling out couch onto hardware floor, and he mother saying "catch her!". No response.
* 2 yo following him out the door and it slams right on her. No response.

Actually his response was to get angry and defensive since usually at the point of danger someone was shouting at him to stop or to do something.

I cringe when he says he's taking the kids to the pool. It's horrible.

Mine "watches" our kids in the pool who use puddle jumpers to swim by standing at the pool edge reading his phone. He claims to know what is going on with them while they are swimming but doubt he would notice if one drowned.

Anonymous wrote:Do the man a favor and let him go. He will blossom once he has his freedom back and does not have to endure your taunting ridicule. Set him free!!!

Anonymous wrote:NP. Their total lack of reaction time to danger around kids practically gave me anxiety.
* Reparking the car- don't realize their 3 yo followed them out.
*2 yo with fingers in hinge of heavy door that the wind is slamming shut. he just sits there chatting w his friend.
* Baby slowly rolling out couch onto hardware floor, and he mother saying "catch her!". No response.
* 2 yo following him out the door and it slams right on her. No response.

Actually his response was to get angry and defensive since usually at the point of danger someone was shouting at him to stop or to do something.

I cringe when he says he's taking the kids to the pool. It's horrible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry him?

Because ADHD impacts multi-tasking, and frequently people get married before getting promoted to upper management, before having kids to pile on more responsibilities, before being homeowners, before having to care for elderly parents, all at the same time. And when life becomes a little complicated, this is when people with ADHD start not being able to cope. A young single person with no responsibilities expect to hold down one simple job will rarely exhibit any symptoms.

Forgetting to feed a child is well beyond anything you describe

I agree that in OP's case, there might be more going on!

But my husband with ADHD has missed feeding our kids. He has no internal clock and doesn't check what time it is, gets involved with a preferred task and completely ignores everything else. Which is why I had to do everything kid-related when they were little, for their own safety.

When you read about parents forgetting to bring their infant from the car to the daycare, and going to work, these are probably people with inattentive ADHD.

Anonymous wrote:He is also lazy.

I think the nice way to put this would be something like “exhibits deficits in executive functioning” and is “inattentive,” but the truth is that he is a stupid and lazy man. In decisions big and small, he doesn’t have any ideas, asks me questions like “what should we do?” as if I have a manual, and shuts down easily. When crises hit, I am both the idea person and the doer. I can’t entrust tasks to him because the simplest job is an opportunity to shirk, forget, or make some idiotic mistake I couldn’t even imagine was possible.

Before we had a child and all sorts of difficulties hit, his deficits were well hidden. He was slow to do basic things, but there was not nearly as much to do. And I am a very energetic, take-charge person who naturally assumes responsibility. Now, however, there is simply too much for me to take on, no matter how much energy I have. I work 60-80 hour weeks, while he works no more than 40. Yet, I have to do most things.

He can’t be trusted with our child’s appointments because when he goes, he checks out and forgets to tell the doctor important information and then forgets what the doctor told him. He can’t be trusted with our child’s medication because it is a controlled substance with a precise dose and he likes to pour “roughly” enough. He forgets to feed her when I’m not home. He can’t even grocery shop.

It has gotten to the point at which I struggle to talk to him with respect, which makes him even more nervous and helpless. I have never heard of sheer stupidity as a ground for divorce, but that is where I am.