Reply to DW has incredibly low sex drive - not sure what can be done to help

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DW has incredibly low sex drive - not sure what can be done to help"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^Agreed, it's a statement about sexual desire, and [b]PP seems to feel that sexual desire should never be studied or discussed critically, which makes sense given her personal experiences.[/b]

As demonstrated, it doesn't make the statement correct.[/quote]
Now you're just making shit up.[/quote]

"anyone who shames sexuality is nuts" [/quote]
Anyone who shames their spouse for sexually desiring them with an out of hand dismissal and a comment to just use their hand and get over it is nuts. And an asshole. 
Be real about the discussion you were having.[/quote]

Reading back over the thread the point is when one spouse tries to make it a obligation or a job. Therein lies the real problem. [/quote]

Yep.  Or say, "I desire her, and by her not granting me sexual access to her body, I am being denied something I am owed in marriage.

Hugely problematic thinking. [/quote]

It's not problematic thinking; it is a reasonable expectation spun in the most negative possible way for rhetorical purposes. But that does not make the expectation unreasonable.  Marriage involves many interdependent mutual commitments, one of which is that each spouse will make reasonable efforts to accommodate the other's needs, including their sexual needs.  This is a matter of common usage and practice; it is implicit in the promise of monogamy, as few if any people would make such a promise if the explicit terms were that the other party could unilaterally and arbitrarily deny them sex without recourse; and it is generally confirmed by the pre- and post-marriage course of dealings between the spouses.  It's also a highly material aspect of the arrangement for most men, and I suspect many women as well.

That doesn't speak to the question of what the appropriate remedy is, of course, due to disagreements regarding sex in a marriage.  Certainly neither rape nor abusive psychological pressure is ever justified under any circumstances.  Deviations from monogamy are a closer call, but in my view can be justified in certain circumstances.  But probably the better resolution is that, if it turns out that this is a major area of disagreement between the spouses, just to accept that there really was no meeting of the minds on the fundamental nature of the marriage from its inception, amicably dissolve it, and move on.

[/quote]

No cheating is not "justified" in any circumstance. I've heard cheaters give all kinds of reasons as to why they put their partners health and their own at risk. She doesn't give me enough sex, he gives money to his kids and does talk to me.  Invites his family to our house first without consulting me. Cheaters have zero excuses, and some have been killed especially in these situations and getting involved with married people. I've seen some lose their
jobs. When you cheat on your spouse you also cheat on the children, and end up displacing them.  I've seen some horrible endings.

Communicate your feelings, see if there's a compromise, get counseling, and if all else fails you get divorced and go your own way.  That's what big people do who have a decent set of values and good foundation. [/quote]

I totally disagree with this, of course.  It's not a reasonable interpretation of marriage that it gives one spouse the ability to say to the other at any point: "give up sex or give up your children."  Would you have agreed to that explicitly, in advance of getting married, if that was the understanding?  In extreme cases of sexual incompatibility, where all options are bad ones, cheating can sometimes be the least bad option.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics