Reply to What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my experience people either cheat or divorce. The cheaters I've known did not want divorce. I wonder if their spouses would have preferred they had left instead of cheated?[/quote]

We always here the line "it's not the cheating, it's the [i]LIE.[/i]"  Like telling your spouse the truth would actually save the marriage.

I honestly think in most cases the outrage and anger from the scorned spouse comes from the heartbreak and pain of being so rejected/discarded...and I honestly think they're lying to themselves about "it's the lie".  In fact, odds are good they'd actually be happier if they got to keep the spouse and didn't learn the truth.   I do often wonder though.

I told ex-dw I'd had enough.  Yes, it was long-term needs unmet, and my sex life improved dramatically after I left.  DW pulled a classic bait&switch and more or less hated - and did an extraordinarily poor job of hiding it - almost anything that remotely resembled the kind of vigorous mildly kinky sex I wanted.  She wouldn't even attempt to reciprocate the vigorous (20-30 min. at a shot of hard tongue work) oral she demanded.  I held on for over a decade.  I left, instead of having an affair.

DW was heartbroken, angry, ranted/raved...for about five years.  Then we buried it and are amicable now.  Sex wasn't the only issue, but it was the main issue.  I wonder if I had instead said "we can have a companionate, friendly marriage, and continue to enjoy the economic benefits of marriage (the breakup was financially very hard on both of us), but I want full permission to get sex elsewhere as I like." if she would have gone for that.

What do you think ladies?  How many of you would honestly - if "he just didn't lie about it" - want to stay married if he was just honest with you?

What is the difference then between the sexual infidelity and the lie?

Is it just that you want 2x the reasons to demonize him for leaving you?  Be honest.[/quote]

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