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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Showed this thread to my proudly openly gay brother.

He said it was odd that the posters who are calling gay actually seem more reasonable about it.  He said that the people who are going out of their way to insist that certain conduct was not gay seem to be in denial – like they are afraid of the label. He said that these people seem to be buying into the negative connotation more than the seemingly “close minded” people who only see gay and straight.

He also said that he sure he knows some of your DHs.   :wink:
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That's interesting.  I showed it to my gay BIL and he says a few homosexual experiences aren't enough to make one 'gay'.  He said that if people have attraction to only one sex, that's homosexual.  If they're attracted to both sexes, they're bisexual.  He also said it's not unusual for a person to be bisexual at one time and then change to either gay or heterosexual.  Preferences can change.

I don't think anyone making the non-gay argument is a bigot or has problems with the 'label', it's just not the correct label.  My kids have special needs and I feel this issue keenly.  I have no problem with people knowing what my kids' 'labels' because that's how their disabilities are best described.  There are overlapping symptoms between different 'labels' (think ADHD and ASD) that may lead a person to think my child has a different label than the one diagnoses but that would be incorrect.  In the same way, homosexual experience doesn't necessarily indicate sexual preference.  "Gay" describes someone's preference, not their experience.[/quote]

I am the PP you are responding to.  I have a DC with SN, so I somewhat understand your analogy and I appreciate your measured reasoned response.  But maybe you could help me with one piece of what you said because this thread has confused me.  We hear all the time that LGBT are "born" that way - that is who they are.  I have internalized that concept and whenever I had to defend my brother or advocated for friends, that was my lead arguement - that is who they are - it is a basic part of their identity and personality. My brother thinks that also. In this thread, I am reading words like "preference" which implies choice.  That is why I am struggling with the whole concept.  I hope no one jumps on me because I am really trying to understand. Isn't the concept that someone is "born" gay (and that is their being) in conflict with saying that "although I chose to have a few homosexual experiences, I am not gay?" Seems like it is a nature/nurture type dicussion.  Hope I did not offend. [/quote]

I’m the PP you’re asking (I really do have a gay BIL and I’m glad you haven’t been flamed).  I very much believe that people are born with their sexual orientation but that it is a ‘spectrum’ much the way ASD/ADHD are spectrums.  As a PP noted, some people are at one end (completely heterosexual) or the other (completely homosexual) and there are some people in between.  With brain maturity and interventions (which help the brain make new/different brain connections) the symptoms of ASD/ADHD may lessen or may even seem to disappear over time.  That doesn’t mean the person never had or no longer has ASD/ADHD, it just means that maturity/interventions moved that person to a different point on the spectrum.

I see this as completely congruent with the thinking on sexual orientation.  It IS something that you’re born with but the intensity/preference can move along the spectrum as a person matures and has experiences.  Of course, you always will have those people who say X, Y, Z therapy cured their DC of ASD or that sexual orientation can be changed through therapy.  But you can’t.  All you can do is move it along a continuum but you can never truly eliminate a preference.  Regardless of one’s sexual preference, I do believe that we should expect monogamy and fidelity in our committed relationships – but that’s a different issue and not related to sexual preference.  Does that help?

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