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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc. [/quote]

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.[/quote]

Yep, I think this here is why men and women argue about this kind of issue. Men are much more selective with texts or emails they deem need an actual response. Not every communication needs a response. Not every weekend needs to be planned. Not everything needs to be scheduled out 2 months in advance.[/quote]

Prioritizing emails is not the question.

The question is if one parent is forced to play prioritizer & handler secretary for ALL COMMs and INFO b/c the other is totally checked out. [/quote]

For me, it continued until he moved out of the country with his new wife, leaving our kid behind.  For the years of coparenting leading up to that move, I had to set up daily texts and emails to tell him about scheduling matters, just as I had throughout our marriage.  I just had to repeat my daily mantra that I will do what's best for our kid in every situation, no matter what my ex does or doesn't do.  Sometimes it meant leaving an event and driving across town to pick up our kid because my ex forgot and his phone was dead.  It doesn't get better with divorce.  [/quote]
Did you really think enabling your narcissistic idiot of an ex-husband in neglecting your kid was best for your kid? I would've documented all of that evidence and gone to court to strip him of access. I don't know why there are so many women like you who think that playing doormat to an arrogant idiot makes them a good mom. I get that society has terrible double standards, but you do know that you don't have to uphold them?[/quote]

Your points are fair, but I decided early on that our kid's well-being would be my guiding light in all decisions that involved them, because, other than his grandparents and me, no one else cared.  To provide specifics to the example I started: one night, when our kid was around 10, he met friends at a high school football game.  His dad was supposed to pick him up at 9:30 pm.  Dad forgot, and his dad's phone also died.  After being spotted by school security once the stadium cleared out and he was alone, our kid hid under the bleachers and waited for me to drive 45 minutes from an event to pick him up.  It was heartbreaking.  I'm telling this story because it was one of the few times our kid just broke down sobbing over his dad.  This kind of stuff happened all the time with school pickups, sports practices that he refused to let him attend, and failure to take him to school for days at a time because it was his time, and he felt school was a waste of time.  I suppose, in many ways, I did "enable" my ex with all the planning, organizing, and picking up the pieces, because if I hadn't, my kid's life would have continued on a downward spiral.  At the end of the day, my happiness is linked to my kid's happiness.  Isn't that true for most parents?  If I failed him, I failed myself.  I also did all the things you talked about, like documenting all the wrongs, and I got multiple contempt of court orders, etc, which is all fine, but it's a long, slow, painful process, and along the way, my kid needed a parent.

I don't care about my arrogant idiot of an ex-husband anymore.  You can say he "won" in the sense that he never parented, and now he's living in another country with his new wife.   So?   I'm many years out now.  He's not my problem anymore.  Our kid is happy, healthy, and doing really well in school ever since his dad left the country, and he now has a structured, predictable routine with me. He has friends.  I am good now, too.  I made a really bad choice to have unprotected sex when I was 20, as I have too much faith in my religion to have an abortion.  I paid for it.  Maybe it's made me a better person. [/quote]

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