Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's weird. I was a single Mom in my 20s. I didn't meet a single divorced Dad under 40. That seems very unusual.

Most men in their 20s and 30s don't want to date single mothers. I stayed far far away from single mothers at that age because I didn't have kids, didn't want to continue someone else's abandoned project, had options (line single women with no kids) and was too busy with work and activities that I was t about to be a father to a kid that isn't mine.

I'm in my forties and still won't date single mothers in their 20s. My kids are either in college or about to be so my life is easy. My kids take care of themselves and drive themselves around or they're away nine months out if the year starting their own life journey. I will and have dated women in their late 20s to mid 30s who don't have kids so I will do that, just not long term as they have no concept of what it's like to be a parent and often can't stand when they're not the primary focus of your attention. I usually tend to stick with women in their late 30s and very early 40s who have older kids.

I'm at a place where I'm financially stable, can retire early and travel a lot and have no debt and a good pot of money we're I can move overseas to Europe or central America and life life in a tropical paradise. Brutal reality for most men in my position is there is very few viable partners who are not full of drama, issues with kids and their ex, not insane and most aren't super attractive. I'm lucky in some respect as I have a steady partner but she lives a considerable distance away who I met through business trips to the area. Hopefully it works out because most of the women in this area are not really people is consider quality partners. As soon as my last kid is out if the house I'm out of here and I'll sell my place, collect a nice profit and can almost outright pay for another place with cash.

So you don’t want to live closer to your kids ? Weird you feel so little connection with them

Anonymous wrote:That's weird. I was a single Mom in my 20s. I didn't meet a single divorced Dad under 40. That seems very unusual.

Most men in their 20s and 30s don't want to date single mothers. I stayed far far away from single mothers at that age because I didn't have kids, didn't want to continue someone else's abandoned project, had options (line single women with no kids) and was too busy with work and activities that I was t about to be a father to a kid that isn't mine.

I'm in my forties and still won't date single mothers in their 20s. My kids are either in college or about to be so my life is easy. My kids take care of themselves and drive themselves around or they're away nine months out if the year starting their own life journey. I will and have dated women in their late 20s to mid 30s who don't have kids so I will do that, just not long term as they have no concept of what it's like to be a parent and often can't stand when they're not the primary focus of your attention. I usually tend to stick with women in their late 30s and very early 40s who have older kids.

I'm at a place where I'm financially stable, can retire early and travel a lot and have no debt and a good pot of money we're I can move overseas to Europe or central America and life life in a tropical paradise. Brutal reality for most men in my position is there is very few viable partners who are not full of drama, issues with kids and their ex, not insane and most aren't super attractive. I'm lucky in some respect as I have a steady partner but she lives a considerable distance away who I met through business trips to the area. Hopefully it works out because most of the women in this area are not really people is consider quality partners. As soon as my last kid is out if the house I'm out of here and I'll sell my place, collect a nice profit and can almost outright pay for another place with cash.

I'm a single guy with my own place, no debt, clean my own house and cook, go to the gym and stay fit and take care of all my kids needs. Why the f*ck would I want to put my assets and wealth at risk again?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc.

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.

So your wife has to literally die in order for you to step up and do some family mental load stuff?!?

Yikes.

Patriarch is lethal.

He did say he didn’t start reading and processing the family emails until his wife actually died.

Nice opt out.

But I’m sure he considers himself the top 1% of dads 😂😅
The bar is literally in hell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc.

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.

So your wife has to literally die in order for you to step up and do some family mental load stuff?!?

Yikes.

Patriarch is lethal.

He did say he didn’t start reading and processing the family emails until his wife actually died.

Nice opt out.

That's weird. I was a single Mom in my 20s. I didn't meet a single divorced Dad under 40. That seems very unusual.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They just want a bang-nanny. Don’t fall for it!

why not? A lot of women want that so what's the issue?

A lot of women want to care for a mans children with other women and be an on-demand sex doll? Some sure, but hardly "a lot".

Men are so delusional.

That's her choice and some women have understood and accepted the exchange they would get in this situation and ok with it because the alternative is even worse in which they don't have money and continue to work, work for nothing. Now, some of them still make good money and are more willing to adjust than the others. It is quite common actually.

I can see that. I met a few never married, childfree women who are in their 50s who would probably go for this arrangement. They are a bit weirdish though.

I have seen them and I have also seen a lot of single mothers who are just tired of working, struggling with finances and never getting a break. They need someone who can handle finances, and be their support and they are ok with this arrangement. For a lot of them it works really well and they are less stressed.

By "handle finances," do you mean give up control over finances? These women need to learn how to manage their own money. They have kids. Turning it all over their financial security to an unrelated man is negligent parenting.

Yeah, exactly. Because it doesn’t happen. Some sort of incel fantasy about single moms sucking men’s resources 🙄

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc.

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.

Yep, I think this here is why men and women argue about this kind of issue. Men are much more selective with texts or emails they deem need an actual response. Not every communication needs a response. Not every weekend needs to be planned. Not everything needs to be scheduled out 2 months in advance.

Prioritizing emails is not the question.

The question is if one parent is forced to play prioritizer & handler secretary for ALL COMMs and INFO b/c the other is totally checked out.

For me, it continued until he moved out of the country with his new wife, leaving our kid behind. For the years of coparenting leading up to that move, I had to set up daily texts and emails to tell him about scheduling matters, just as I had throughout our marriage. I just had to repeat my daily mantra that I will do what's best for our kid in every situation, no matter what my ex does or doesn't do. Sometimes it meant leaving an event and driving across town to pick up our kid because my ex forgot and his phone was dead. It doesn't get better with divorce.

Did you really think enabling your narcissistic idiot of an ex-husband in neglecting your kid was best for your kid? I would've documented all of that evidence and gone to court to strip him of access. I don't know why there are so many women like you who think that playing doormat to an arrogant idiot makes them a good mom. I get that society has terrible double standards, but you do know that you don't have to uphold them?

DP but what you are suggesting would not be best for the kids. You will never actually get your ex "stripped of access" to the kids unless there is actual evidence of abuse or legal neglect (emotional neglect and being flaky and unreliable will not rise to the level of legal neglect even though it will make a child feel unloved and unimportant). Dragging all of this before a family court to fight a 50/50 custody will just create conflict and animosity, which will impact the kids, and the judge will always just default to "figure it out, it's 50/50." So there is no point.

The PP has it right. You accept that this is the person you procreated with and that for the duration of your kids minority status, you will have to put up with their neglectful and lazy parenting, put your kids first, and pick up all the slack. This is true whether you are married to them are not, it's just the reality of having a child with a bad father.

It isn't "enabling" to accept that this is the reality and then make choices that will ensure your kids have at least one parent who is showing up for them when they need someone, even though this will mean you do way more.

Truth:
This is true whether you are married to them are not, it's just the reality of having a child with a bad father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc.

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.

Yep, I think this here is why men and women argue about this kind of issue. Men are much more selective with texts or emails they deem need an actual response. Not every communication needs a response. Not every weekend needs to be planned. Not everything needs to be scheduled out 2 months in advance.

Prioritizing emails is not the question.

The question is if one parent is forced to play prioritizer & handler secretary for ALL COMMs and INFO b/c the other is totally checked out.

For me, it continued until he moved out of the country with his new wife, leaving our kid behind. For the years of coparenting leading up to that move, I had to set up daily texts and emails to tell him about scheduling matters, just as I had throughout our marriage. I just had to repeat my daily mantra that I will do what's best for our kid in every situation, no matter what my ex does or doesn't do. Sometimes it meant leaving an event and driving across town to pick up our kid because my ex forgot and his phone was dead. It doesn't get better with divorce.

Did you really think enabling your narcissistic idiot of an ex-husband in neglecting your kid was best for your kid? I would've documented all of that evidence and gone to court to strip him of access. I don't know why there are so many women like you who think that playing doormat to an arrogant idiot makes them a good mom. I get that society has terrible double standards, but you do know that you don't have to uphold them?

Your points are fair, but I decided early on that our kid's well-being would be my guiding light in all decisions that involved them, because, other than his grandparents and me, no one else cared. To provide specifics to the example I started: one night, when our kid was around 10, he met friends at a high school football game. His dad was supposed to pick him up at 9:30 pm. Dad forgot, and his dad's phone also died. After being spotted by school security once the stadium cleared out and he was alone, our kid hid under the bleachers and waited for me to drive 45 minutes from an event to pick him up. It was heartbreaking. I'm telling this story because it was one of the few times our kid just broke down sobbing over his dad. This kind of stuff happened all the time with school pickups, sports practices that he refused to let him attend, and failure to take him to school for days at a time because it was his time, and he felt school was a waste of time. I suppose, in many ways, I did "enable" my ex with all the planning, organizing, and picking up the pieces, because if I hadn't, my kid's life would have continued on a downward spiral. At the end of the day, my happiness is linked to my kid's happiness. Isn't that true for most parents? If I failed him, I failed myself. I also did all the things you talked about, like documenting all the wrongs, and I got multiple contempt of court orders, etc, which is all fine, but it's a long, slow, painful process, and along the way, my kid needed a parent.

I don't care about my arrogant idiot of an ex-husband anymore. You can say he "won" in the sense that he never parented, and now he's living in another country with his new wife. So? I'm many years out now. He's not my problem anymore. Our kid is happy, healthy, and doing really well in school ever since his dad left the country, and he now has a structured, predictable routine with me. He has friends. I am good now, too. I made a really bad choice to have unprotected sex when I was 20, as I have too much faith in my religion to have an abortion. I paid for it. Maybe it's made me a better person.

Anonymous wrote:They want someone to take care of their home and kids?

YES. they do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc.

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.

Yep, I think this here is why men and women argue about this kind of issue. Men are much more selective with texts or emails they deem need an actual response. Not every communication needs a response. Not every weekend needs to be planned. Not everything needs to be scheduled out 2 months in advance.

Prioritizing emails is not the question.

The question is if one parent is forced to play prioritizer & handler secretary for ALL COMMs and INFO b/c the other is totally checked out.

For me, it continued until he moved out of the country with his new wife, leaving our kid behind. For the years of coparenting leading up to that move, I had to set up daily texts and emails to tell him about scheduling matters, just as I had throughout our marriage. I just had to repeat my daily mantra that I will do what's best for our kid in every situation, no matter what my ex does or doesn't do. Sometimes it meant leaving an event and driving across town to pick up our kid because my ex forgot and his phone was dead. It doesn't get better with divorce.

Did you really think enabling your narcissistic idiot of an ex-husband in neglecting your kid was best for your kid? I would've documented all of that evidence and gone to court to strip him of access. I don't know why there are so many women like you who think that playing doormat to an arrogant idiot makes them a good mom. I get that society has terrible double standards, but you do know that you don't have to uphold them?

DP but what you are suggesting would not be best for the kids. You will never actually get your ex "stripped of access" to the kids unless there is actual evidence of abuse or legal neglect (emotional neglect and being flaky and unreliable will not rise to the level of legal neglect even though it will make a child feel unloved and unimportant). Dragging all of this before a family court to fight a 50/50 custody will just create conflict and animosity, which will impact the kids, and the judge will always just default to "figure it out, it's 50/50." So there is no point.

The PP has it right. You accept that this is the person you procreated with and that for the duration of your kids minority status, you will have to put up with their neglectful and lazy parenting, put your kids first, and pick up all the slack. This is true whether you are married to them are not, it's just the reality of having a child with a bad father. It isn't "enabling" to accept that this is the reality and then make choices that will ensure your kids have at least one parent who is showing up for them when they need someone, even though this will mean you do way more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc.

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.

Yep, I think this here is why men and women argue about this kind of issue. Men are much more selective with texts or emails they deem need an actual response. Not every communication needs a response. Not every weekend needs to be planned. Not everything needs to be scheduled out 2 months in advance.

Prioritizing emails is not the question.

The question is if one parent is forced to play prioritizer & handler secretary for ALL COMMs and INFO b/c the other is totally checked out.

For me, it continued until he moved out of the country with his new wife, leaving our kid behind. For the years of coparenting leading up to that move, I had to set up daily texts and emails to tell him about scheduling matters, just as I had throughout our marriage. I just had to repeat my daily mantra that I will do what's best for our kid in every situation, no matter what my ex does or doesn't do. Sometimes it meant leaving an event and driving across town to pick up our kid because my ex forgot and his phone was dead. It doesn't get better with divorce.

Did you really think enabling your narcissistic idiot of an ex-husband in neglecting your kid was best for your kid? I would've documented all of that evidence and gone to court to strip him of access. I don't know why there are so many women like you who think that playing doormat to an arrogant idiot makes them a good mom. I get that society has terrible double standards, but you do know that you don't have to uphold them?

Family court doesn’t care. Talk to any lawyer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc.

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.

So your wife has to literally die in order for you to step up and do some family mental load stuff?!?

Yikes.

Patriarch is lethal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc.

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.

Yep, I think this here is why men and women argue about this kind of issue. Men are much more selective with texts or emails they deem need an actual response. Not every communication needs a response. Not every weekend needs to be planned. Not everything needs to be scheduled out 2 months in advance.

Prioritizing emails is not the question.

The question is if one parent is forced to play prioritizer & handler secretary for ALL COMMs and INFO b/c the other is totally checked out.

For me, it continued until he moved out of the country with his new wife, leaving our kid behind. For the years of coparenting leading up to that move, I had to set up daily texts and emails to tell him about scheduling matters, just as I had throughout our marriage. I just had to repeat my daily mantra that I will do what's best for our kid in every situation, no matter what my ex does or doesn't do. Sometimes it meant leaving an event and driving across town to pick up our kid because my ex forgot and his phone was dead. It doesn't get better with divorce.

Did you really think enabling your narcissistic idiot of an ex-husband in neglecting your kid was best for your kid? I would've documented all of that evidence and gone to court to strip him of access. I don't know why there are so many women like you who think that playing doormat to an arrogant idiot makes them a good mom. I get that society has terrible double standards, but you do know that you don't have to uphold them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what % of married fathers read and process (ID, discuss, process/handle) their wife’s emails or the emails from the school, coaches, camps, invites, Etc.

After my wife died, I read and processed those emails I deemed important, and ignored the rest.

Yep, I think this here is why men and women argue about this kind of issue. Men are much more selective with texts or emails they deem need an actual response. Not every communication needs a response. Not every weekend needs to be planned. Not everything needs to be scheduled out 2 months in advance.

Prioritizing emails is not the question.

The question is if one parent is forced to play prioritizer & handler secretary for ALL COMMs and INFO b/c the other is totally checked out.

For me, it continued until he moved out of the country with his new wife, leaving our kid behind. For the years of coparenting leading up to that move, I had to set up daily texts and emails to tell him about scheduling matters, just as I had throughout our marriage. I just had to repeat my daily mantra that I will do what's best for our kid in every situation, no matter what my ex does or doesn't do. Sometimes it meant leaving an event and driving across town to pick up our kid because my ex forgot and his phone was dead. It doesn't get better with divorce.