Reply to This is weaponized incompetence, yes? What to do about it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I don't know where you guys get this BS about this being the fault of women's standards. My DH doesn't clean almost at all and part of the problem is HIS standards. I was like "why don't you ever vacuum?" and he said he hates it because you have to move all the furniture around and it's a pain. I was like what are you talking about, most of the time when I vacuum I just hit the high traffic areas and leave moving furniture for an occasional deep clean.

I can do a quick clean of the bathroom in like 10 minutes. It's not thorough but gets it presentable enough. If DH cleans the shower it will take him an hour. I don't criticize him if he dies this, but the reason he does it so rarely (like once every two years) is that he has this idea it's a huge undertaking.

I think part of the problem is that he cleaned so rarely when he lived alone that when he did clean, it was a lot of work because he'd let things really build up. I clean more frequently but kind of half-ass it, and it's fine I do it frequently enough that the house never gets that dirty.

The upshot is that I do all the cleaning because he is overwhelmed by it and also only cleans things if they are so filthy you can't ignore them, and I don't let the house get that dirty. In the last 5 years he's cleaned twice, once when I had Covid and once when I was on bedrest with my pregnancy for a month. And both times he complained about how hard it was even though I was too incapacitated to care what or how he did it.

It's not about women's standards being too high. It's about men being lazy and putting stuff off until it's a huge hassle, and then being touchy and irritable about it when they finally do it.[/quote]

Every situation is different. And it sounds like your husband's standards are not there - and he needs to pay for a cleaner if he can't do the bare meinimum.

But for a lot of women the bare minimum (which is what I do) is not good enough; and I hear things like he needs to clean the counter with this not that; he doens't wipe it off left to right but right to left.

[b]Women who complain about the kids having donuts for breakfast on dad's day;[/b] or who don't vacuum the knap in the carpet the "right" way are intentionally driving themselves crazy and it has nothing to do with their husband.

I hear from all my friends - [b]oh they won't get a vegetable;[/b] they will go to the store in their pajamas; etc. And again why is that a problem? Who is dying? Its his way to to do it? If the kids don't have rickets and are warm why does it matter.

Your husband needs to grow the f&*& up. And you should book a cleaner and use his CC - if he can't do his 50% then he can pay to have someone do it. If he wants to save money he can step up. This should not be negotiable.[/quote]

Do you believe it is acceptable for children to eat donuts for breakfast every day, and to never eat vegetables? If not, why is it acceptable on Dad’s Day and not on Mom’s Day? Dads should hold themselves to the same high standards as Moms, and the good ones actually do. [/quote]

I don’t think it is. But the mom made a human w the dad. At no point in the courtship, marriage etc did they discuss the standards in which they want to live?

If she wants to kill herself making 3 different types of eggs for 3 different kids who eat 2 bites then she can enjoy her time in the kitchen and being late for work.

If she hates being the bad guy who’s shoving vegetables down her kids throats ahe chose the standard she wants.

Kids will not die or be malnourished from having donuts for breakfast. They just won’t. Kids actually need different caloric intakes than adults.

But 90% of the time I see women do the woe is me is because he gave them something she bought and didn’t approve of how. He have green beans on a spinach day and little Larla’s  over priced “nutritionist” read a blog and said we have to give different greens every day or she will have an eating disorder.

Getting uppity about donuts is actually what causes the eating disorder. Mommy over pathologizing every bite does it.

Ask adults who had the lax parent and the structured parent who they run to in a crisis? It’s the structured parent. Now if the structured parent is a neurotic then they build their own structure w the lax one. [/quote]

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