Reply to Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.[/quote]

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.[/quote]

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?[/quote]

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work. [/quote]

You have independent proof of your condition. How you chose to react to that information was up to you. Because you chose to ignore the warning does not mean that OP's daughter will react in the same manner. You are an adult and it is your life. OP's daughter is a minor and in the care and custody of her parents.

Would you ignore dangerous behavior of your minor child ? Or would you try to help ? And if you try to help, would you seek independent professional advice from a qualified medical practitioner or would you coddle the minor child and act like everything is okay ?[/quote]

OP hasn’t sought any healthcare (mental or physical) for her daughter at all. [/quote]

OP here. 
How do you seek healthcare for this (mental or physical) without conveying that it is a problem to the kid?   Very curious how you would do this.

I have been very careful to not say anything to my kid.  We don't talk about weight.

I mentioned my sons in one line (ONE LINE) and people are extrapolating that I love them more.  I simply mentioned them because the first advice in any child weight post is always (rightfully so) "remove junk from the house."
We do remove most junk but the context of our family dynamic is that we can't fill the fridge solely with hard-boiled eggs and cheese sticks and cut-up vegetables.   I have two kids who are in the midst of trying to put on 
20+ pounds of muscle this winter (they are in winter conditioning for spring sports) and eat 4000-5000 calories a day.  Anyway, No I don't love them more than my daughter and I don't buy a lot of things they might want out of respect for her. 
I meet them all in the middle.

As to weight-she is about 5'2 and was a size 6 and now a size 12-14.  So she's not obese but she's medically overweight..BMI is on the high end of the scale of "overweight" or her height.  Now go ahead and jump on me for saying that my perfectly healthy daughter is not overweight.

I have to sign off now as I'm headed to an evening event.  
[/quote]

You pick up the phone and make an appt with her doctor and get some actual medical advice and guidance rather than asking the internet.

[/quote]

Ok, so what do i tell her?

"Daughter I am worried about your weight.  I have made a doctor's appointment for you"  
Isn't that weight shaming?

Or do you just make the appointment:

me: "hey, you are going in to see your doctor.  I know you had your check-up 6 months ago but uh, next week you need to go in again".

her "mom, why?  I'm fine".

[/quote]

"Since you've gained weight faster than expected in the last year, I made an appointment with the doctor. Sometimes rapid weight gain can be a sign that something is up with the body, especially with hormones, so we need to get some blood tests done and have you talk to the doctor. If you've noticed any other changes in how you're feeling, like you're hungrier, more tired, any changes in your period, hair loss or growth, make sure you let the doctor know."

Then let the doctor talk to her. [/quote]

The above is good advice. I hope it's not overlooked in the craziness of this thread. OP's daughter has gained weight rather rapidly and has dropped activites and there could be underlying medical issues. Yes, she may hate hearing this and be mad  - but you'll get through it. Make an appointment and go from there. [/quote]

I wouldn’t say you gained weight faster than expected. That’s not going to make anyone open to a conversation. Just say you are going for your annual exam bc it’s been a while. Touch base with the doctor beforehand and let her handle the talk. You can just be a sounding board after. This is really delicate stuff for a teen, handle with as much compassion and support as possible. Her emotional health is the concern here, more so than her current pant size. [/quote]

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