Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

You have independent proof of your condition. How you chose to react to that information was up to you. Because you chose to ignore the warning does not mean that OP's daughter will react in the same manner. You are an adult and it is your life. OP's daughter is a minor and in the care and custody of her parents.

Would you ignore dangerous behavior of your minor child ? Or would you try to help ? And if you try to help, would you seek independent professional advice from a qualified medical practitioner or would you coddle the minor child and act like everything is okay ?

OP hasn’t sought any healthcare (mental or physical) for her daughter at all.

OP here.
How do you seek healthcare for this (mental or physical) without conveying that it is a problem to the kid? Very curious how you would do this.

I have been very careful to not say anything to my kid. We don't talk about weight.


I mentioned my sons in one line (ONE LINE) and people are extrapolating that I love them more. I simply mentioned them because the first advice in any child weight post is always (rightfully so) "remove junk from the house."
We do remove most junk but the context of our family dynamic is that we can't fill the fridge solely with hard-boiled eggs and cheese sticks and cut-up vegetables. I have two kids who are in the midst of trying to put on
20+ pounds of muscle this winter (they are in winter conditioning for spring sports) and eat 4000-5000 calories a day. Anyway, No I don't love them more than my daughter and I don't buy a lot of things they might want out of respect for her.
I meet them all in the middle.

As to weight-she is about 5'2 and was a size 6 and now a size 12-14. So she's not obese but she's medically overweight..BMI is on the high end of the scale of "overweight" or her height. Now go ahead and jump on me for saying that my perfectly healthy daughter is not overweight.

I have to sign off now as I'm headed to an evening event.

You pick up the phone and make an appt with her doctor and get some actual medical advice and guidance rather than asking the internet.

Ok, so what do i tell her?

"Daughter I am worried about your weight. I have made a doctor's appointment for you"
Isn't that weight shaming?

Or do you just make the appointment:

me: "hey, you are going in to see your doctor. I know you had your check-up 6 months ago but uh, next week you need to go in again".

her "mom, why? I'm fine".

"Since you've gained weight faster than expected in the last year, I made an appointment with the doctor. Sometimes rapid weight gain can be a sign that something is up with the body, especially with hormones, so we need to get some blood tests done and have you talk to the doctor. If you've noticed any other changes in how you're feeling, like you're hungrier, more tired, any changes in your period, hair loss or growth, make sure you let the doctor know."

Then let the doctor talk to her.

The above is good advice. I hope it's not overlooked in the craziness of this thread. OP's daughter has gained weight rather rapidly and has dropped activites and there could be underlying medical issues. Yes, she may hate hearing this and be mad - but you'll get through it. Make an appointment and go from there.

I wouldn’t say you gained weight faster than expected. That’s not going to make anyone open to a conversation. Just say you are going for your annual exam bc it’s been a while. Touch base with the doctor beforehand and let her handle the talk. You can just be a sounding board after. This is really delicate stuff for a teen, handle with as much compassion and support as possible. Her emotional health is the concern here, more so than her current pant size.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of overweight women were clearly triggered by this discussion.

I’m triggered all right by OP and even more by the horrific parents advocating the insurance thing and similar. But I’m not an overweight woman. What I was, many years ago, was a terrified thirteen-year-old who had been violently sexually assaulted, and who, like OPs daughter, gained weight very quickly and dropped out of my athletic activities, and threw myself into schoolwork. What I wouldn’t have given for a compassionate parent who didn’t view my weight gain as her shame, and been embarrassed by me. What I wouldn’t have given for a parent who didn’t assume that I was just making bad choices on purpose.

So yes, I am angry and triggered, because so many of you clearly could not care less about your daughters, unless they embarrass you or god forbid you have to buy new clothes. I feel so sorry for those lonely and victimized little girls.

Stop projecting. OP has done nothing but be compassionate. No one has said that they are embarrassed by their kids. You guys invent all the nonsense. No one is "lonely or victimized". God, the drama!

The problem with all of these shocked and offended PPs is that you are all projecting abuses where there are none. OP has done nothing but express concern for her daughter's health. She has asked what she should do and best way to approach it. She does not have her head in the sand re: obesity. OP has asked about therapy, diets, exercise and other programs. All of this is incredibly sensible and the sign of a concerned mother. If my kid gained 20+ pounds suddenly, I'd be concerned!

More mothers should take an interest in their children's diets and exercise routines. In fact, you'd all do well to model them and have teachable lessons in the home. I wish my parents had shown a modicum of interest in my health in well-being as OP is here. Were you all angry at our former First Lady who made her entire platform about childhood health and combating obesity? Was she fat shaming? No, she was not. She brought obesity to the forefront - a huge issue which this country spends a lot of money on.

I'm Hispanic. My family has a huge problem with obesity, as does most of the community. The way you all are sweeping this under the rug is really infuriating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

You have independent proof of your condition. How you chose to react to that information was up to you. Because you chose to ignore the warning does not mean that OP's daughter will react in the same manner. You are an adult and it is your life. OP's daughter is a minor and in the care and custody of her parents.

Would you ignore dangerous behavior of your minor child ? Or would you try to help ? And if you try to help, would you seek independent professional advice from a qualified medical practitioner or would you coddle the minor child and act like everything is okay ?

OP hasn’t sought any healthcare (mental or physical) for her daughter at all.

OP here.
How do you seek healthcare for this (mental or physical) without conveying that it is a problem to the kid? Very curious how you would do this.

I have been very careful to not say anything to my kid. We don't talk about weight.


I mentioned my sons in one line (ONE LINE) and people are extrapolating that I love them more. I simply mentioned them because the first advice in any child weight post is always (rightfully so) "remove junk from the house."
We do remove most junk but the context of our family dynamic is that we can't fill the fridge solely with hard-boiled eggs and cheese sticks and cut-up vegetables. I have two kids who are in the midst of trying to put on
20+ pounds of muscle this winter (they are in winter conditioning for spring sports) and eat 4000-5000 calories a day. Anyway, No I don't love them more than my daughter and I don't buy a lot of things they might want out of respect for her.
I meet them all in the middle.

As to weight-she is about 5'2 and was a size 6 and now a size 12-14. So she's not obese but she's medically overweight..BMI is on the high end of the scale of "overweight" or her height. Now go ahead and jump on me for saying that my perfectly healthy daughter is not overweight.

I have to sign off now as I'm headed to an evening event.

You pick up the phone and make an appt with her doctor and get some actual medical advice and guidance rather than asking the internet.

Ok, so what do i tell her?

"Daughter I am worried about your weight. I have made a doctor's appointment for you"
Isn't that weight shaming?

Or do you just make the appointment:

me: "hey, you are going in to see your doctor. I know you had your check-up 6 months ago but uh, next week you need to go in again".

her "mom, why? I'm fine".

"Since you've gained weight faster than expected in the last year, I made an appointment with the doctor. Sometimes rapid weight gain can be a sign that something is up with the body, especially with hormones, so we need to get some blood tests done and have you talk to the doctor. If you've noticed any other changes in how you're feeling, like you're hungrier, more tired, any changes in your period, hair loss or growth, make sure you let the doctor know."

Then let the doctor talk to her.

The above is good advice. I hope it's not overlooked in the craziness of this thread. OP's daughter has gained weight rather rapidly and has dropped activites and there could be underlying medical issues. Yes, she may hate hearing this and be mad - but you'll get through it. Make an appointment and go from there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of overweight women were clearly triggered by this discussion.

I’m triggered all right by OP and even more by the horrific parents advocating the insurance thing and similar. But I’m not an overweight woman. What I was, many years ago, was a terrified thirteen-year-old who had been violently sexually assaulted, and who, like OPs daughter, gained weight very quickly and dropped out of my athletic activities, and threw myself into schoolwork. What I wouldn’t have given for a compassionate parent who didn’t view my weight gain as her shame, and been embarrassed by me. What I wouldn’t have given for a parent who didn’t assume that I was just making bad choices on purpose.

So yes, I am angry and triggered, because so many of you clearly could not care less about your daughters, unless they embarrass you or god forbid you have to buy new clothes. I feel so sorry for those lonely and victimized little girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Sure, “go take a walk poster.” No one believes you live with a real doctor. More like an anti-vax nurse or a Chiropractor. Lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

What is her medical condition that she is overweight? I would be terrified as a parent. If you have weight problems at such young age, imagine how she's gonna look like in her 30s or 50s. Try to do something, I don't know what exactly though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

You have independent proof of your condition. How you chose to react to that information was up to you. Because you chose to ignore the warning does not mean that OP's daughter will react in the same manner. You are an adult and it is your life. OP's daughter is a minor and in the care and custody of her parents.

Would you ignore dangerous behavior of your minor child ? Or would you try to help ? And if you try to help, would you seek independent professional advice from a qualified medical practitioner or would you coddle the minor child and act like everything is okay ?

OP hasn’t sought any healthcare (mental or physical) for her daughter at all.

OP here.
How do you seek healthcare for this (mental or physical) without conveying that it is a problem to the kid? Very curious how you would do this.

I have been very careful to not say anything to my kid. We don't talk about weight.


I mentioned my sons in one line (ONE LINE) and people are extrapolating that I love them more. I simply mentioned them because the first advice in any child weight post is always (rightfully so) "remove junk from the house."
We do remove most junk but the context of our family dynamic is that we can't fill the fridge solely with hard-boiled eggs and cheese sticks and cut-up vegetables. I have two kids who are in the midst of trying to put on
20+ pounds of muscle this winter (they are in winter conditioning for spring sports) and eat 4000-5000 calories a day. Anyway, No I don't love them more than my daughter and I don't buy a lot of things they might want out of respect for her.
I meet them all in the middle.

As to weight-she is about 5'2 and was a size 6 and now a size 12-14. So she's not obese but she's medically overweight..BMI is on the high end of the scale of "overweight" or her height. Now go ahead and jump on me for saying that my perfectly healthy daughter is not overweight.

I have to sign off now as I'm headed to an evening event.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

You have independent proof of your condition. How you chose to react to that information was up to you. Because you chose to ignore the warning does not mean that OP's daughter will react in the same manner. You are an adult and it is your life. OP's daughter is a minor and in the care and custody of her parents.

Would you ignore dangerous behavior of your minor child ? Or would you try to help ? And if you try to help, would you seek independent professional advice from a qualified medical practitioner or would you coddle the minor child and act like everything is okay ?

OP hasn’t sought any healthcare (mental or physical) for her daughter at all.

OP here.
How do you seek healthcare for this (mental or physical) without conveying that it is a problem to the kid? Very curious how you would do this.

I have been very careful to not say anything to my kid. We don't talk about weight.


I mentioned my sons in one line (ONE LINE) and people are extrapolating that I love them more. I simply mentioned them because the first advice in any child weight post is always (rightfully so) "remove junk from the house."
We do remove most junk but the context of our family dynamic is that we can't fill the fridge solely with hard-boiled eggs and cheese sticks and cut-up vegetables. I have two kids who are in the midst of trying to put on
20+ pounds of muscle this winter (they are in winter conditioning for spring sports) and eat 4000-5000 calories a day. Anyway, No I don't love them more than my daughter and I don't buy a lot of things they might want out of respect for her.
I meet them all in the middle.

As to weight-she is about 5'2 and was a size 6 and now a size 12-14. So she's not obese but she's medically overweight..BMI is on the high end of the scale of "overweight" or her height. Now go ahead and jump on me for saying that my perfectly healthy daughter is not overweight.

I have to sign off now as I'm headed to an evening event.

You pick up the phone and make an appt with her doctor and get some actual medical advice and guidance rather than asking the internet.

Ok, so what do i tell her?

"Daughter I am worried about your weight. I have made a doctor's appointment for you"
Isn't that weight shaming?

Or do you just make the appointment:

me: "hey, you are going in to see your doctor. I know you had your check-up 6 months ago but uh, next week you need to go in again".

her "mom, why? I'm fine".

"Since you've gained weight faster than expected in the last year, I made an appointment with the doctor. Sometimes rapid weight gain can be a sign that something is up with the body, especially with hormones, so we need to get some blood tests done and have you talk to the doctor. If you've noticed any other changes in how you're feeling, like you're hungrier, more tired, any changes in your period, hair loss or growth, make sure you let the doctor know."

Then let the doctor talk to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of overweight women were clearly triggered by this discussion.

I’m triggered all right by OP and even more by the horrific parents advocating the insurance thing and similar. But I’m not an overweight woman. What I was, many years ago, was a terrified thirteen-year-old who had been violently sexually assaulted, and who, like OPs daughter, gained weight very quickly and dropped out of my athletic activities, and threw myself into schoolwork. What I wouldn’t have given for a compassionate parent who didn’t view my weight gain as her shame, and been embarrassed by me. What I wouldn’t have given for a parent who didn’t assume that I was just making bad choices on purpose.

So yes, I am angry and triggered, because so many of you clearly could not care less about your daughters, unless they embarrass you or god forbid you have to buy new clothes. I feel so sorry for those lonely and victimized little girls.

Same situation for me. This thread is depressing and distressing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Consider having your daughter apply for an amount of life insurance that requires a physical. Once she is denied/rejected for coverage or only offered coverage at an extremely premium (rating), she may understand the need to seek medical help.

OP: You are 100% right to be concerned. This is both a mental health issue and an issue of physical health. Having a heart attack at a young age is unnecessary & preventable.

what the actual f*** is wrong with you

Yeah, these garbage parents are far worse than the poor overweight daughter.