Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]No you are. You are the cheater. Stop cheating. I live on planet earth. Stop hurting people on it.

I've never cheated. Not even in 10-year marriage without sex for 7 years. You are crazy to hurt kids like this. Get a divorce and be an adult. Children should not know anything about their parents sex lives. You can't spend the rest of your life together is an adequate reason.[/quote]

If your spouse robbed a bank, and the police came to arrest him at home in front of the children, who caused the harm to the children?  The police, or the spouse that decided to rob a bank?  Would it be better if the police came when the kids were at school and you just told the kids that your spouse went away for awhile and told them they didn’t need to worry about adult issues?

The advice to not tell the children is out dated, unhealthy, and from the era of when there was domestic abuse people just mi fed their own business, when the neighbor showed up with a black eye, people talked about how she must have nagged him to drive him to hit her.  Say things like, “well, you know how she can be.”

No.  Just, no.  No one is going to protect your secret if you cheat.  Stop trying to blame others for hurting your kids.  If having the knowledge that one spouse cheated on the other in and of itself is harmful to your kids, DONT CHEAT.  It’s quite easy.  Don’t engage in behaviors that would make your kids so ashamed of you or angry with you that it could harm your relationship with them for life.

The good news is that if you do cheat, it is possible to redeem yourself with your kids by simply demonstrating an awareness that you regret hurting them, you are aware that your behavior was not in line with your morals, and that you made a bad decision. But you love them and will continue to l
Prioritize them and be the best parent you can be.  That’s literally all they want to hear.  But you stupid cheaters can’t say those words.  You can’t.  You want to tell your kids that you cheated because your spouse wasn’t having sex with you, or because you fell out of love, or you just made a one time mistake, or whatever excuse you think In Your head is valid.

There is literally no excuse for cheating that can’t be torn apart by the response “then get a divorce first.”  That’s why cheaters want their secret kept.  Because they are incapable of acknowledging they made a mistake that hurt people, and they know their excuse is BS that wont even stand up to the critical thinking skills of a young child.  [/quote]

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