Reply to Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.[/quote]

Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married.  Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?"  This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires.  You make all the decisions yourself..  ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?[/quote]

Yes I get it - but I also watched a whole lot of my friends do the "foot loose and fancy free" thing in their twenties remain single into their 30s and then freak out and settle for the wrong person in order to have a family and I am now watching 3 of them have very ugly divorces. If you find your person when you are young, you shouldn't throw away that opportunity in the interest of being self-centered and "free". And, actually, the fact that we weren't so set in our individual ways maybe made it easier for my DH and I to grow and mature TOGETHER.

Get it?[/quote]

This.[/quote]

I have watched so many friends and family struggle with infertility in their 30s; I plan on encouraging my daughter to get married when she finds the right person (and not wait around and “discover” herself whatever the F that means).[/quote]

Why is "discover" put in quotes and seen as a negative?  Honestly asking.  What if your daughter doesn't want kids?  And I don't know what you definition of discovering yourself but  to me but to me it means trying new jobs, living in different cities, learning new things without yourself the responsibility of making someone else happy.    So many women cut short their dreams for their spouse.[/quote]

My daughter can do whatever she wants but I think all of the things you list as part of “discovering yourself” are 1. totally possible to do while married at the least and 2. Not really valuable in becoming a kind, mature person.  I got married at 23 and managed to complete law school and have a good career while married and having children.  It’s not like being married and having children prevents you from growing and learning about yourself; that just seems like a very immature perspective on life.[/quote]

Again you are just adhering to a life script. PP is talking about ways in which one may want to differ.[/quote]

Pretending that your twenties is for living out “Sex and The City” with less attractive chars is just as much of a life script as any other, pp.[/quote]

If that is what it ends up being, so be it. But it still gives you a baseline.

I was however also referring to discovery like changing careers, moving states/countries, deep friendships, maybe adopting/fostering kids, pets, starting your own nest egg, developing an independent taste in food, fashion, decor. Cementing your life long values, hobbies and personality.

[b]Maybe doable but definitely harder with a spouse and kids[/b].[/quote]

Is it?  What exactly is your family doing to you, pp?  I challenge this premise that you just die mentally when you have kids.  I have become a much better person since I had kids across the board.  I’ve made deep friends, refined my taste, discovered new things that I love, etc.  Like what is this mommy martyr nonsense.[/quote]

You are restricted in your options of what you can do with kids at home. You dont need to be a mommy martyr and die mentally but you are making sacrifices and curbing your potential.

You might have become a better person with kids, yes they bring love and joy, and as you age you refine your tastes and grow professionally etc etc.

[b]But taking a few years to experience things for yourself with no one else to worry about is important. Especially if things go south later in life and you need to stand up for yourself (and your future kids) It builds clarity and self reliance.[/b]

[/quote]

I simply don’t see the bolded occurring in real life.  I see my friends who waited to have children and I love them, but I’m not impressed that they have more clarity or self reliance.  In fact, a lot of them emotionally collapsed in the pandemic.

Dealing with challenges, struggling, and failing is what builds you as a person.  Not having sexy fun in your 20s.  [/quote]

+1[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics