Reply to This is kind of a weird question and trigger, there is an OW component

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[quote=Anonymous]OP if you're still reading, here's my story.

I was (kind of) you. Single, met a married man who was separated from his wife. When I say "separated", I mean they were living in different states because of his job, for the year. He told me they were separate-ing...she didn't know that (I learned later), I thought it was their prelude to divorce, he let me think that, etc. We used to discuss how we were soulmates, had never felt this way, etc.

You can guess how it ended.

Several years later when his pics with his wife would pop up on SM, I couldn't understand how to square it with my reality. Did he mean all the stuff he said to me (I believe so), did I really love him (yes), was he ever going to leave her (no).

Two things happened. I learned to believe what men do, not what they say. Hell, I apply that lesson to people in general. I owned that this man was never as great as I thought he was. If I meant that much, he would've pursued a clean divorce with his wife, split their assets accordingly, and moved on with me. People do it all the time. I'm not saying that would have been right or fair to her, but life ain't fair. Also, that's not what happened. I'm the one who had to move on, alone, and do a lot of self-reflecting about how I believed myself to be a smart woman but made a series of dumb (and hurtful) choices.

Since then: I met a great guy and had a baby. I've heard several times from my former AP. He'd continue texting me forever if I let him. This stuff just doesn't mean to them what it means to us. Honestly. So I never reply. I think about how shitty it would be for his wife to see it, and how awful I'd feel if my husband treated me that way.

You can let go. It's ok. Turn inward, remember your connection with him as special if you need to, but walk away for yourself. You can do it.[/quote]

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