Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote] NP. I would tell my son that he is worthy of a life lived openly and honestly. I would tell him that he needed to find the courage to address the problem openly and respectfully with his wife. I would tell him that he owes it to himself to tell his wife he is unwilling to stay in a sexless marriage and he and she can either create a mutually enjoyable sex life, he can seek sex outside the marriage on mutually agreeable terms or they can divorce. I would tell him that seeking sex in secret outside the marriage “for the sake of the kids” was really a disservice to the children - better that he models respectful conflict resolution, honesty and resilience than secrecy, manipulation and false facades.[/quote]

I’m the PP that the cheater was responding to.  Thanks for your answer, I would tell my son similar things.  I would also tell him that he and his wife need to be honest and respectful of each other, and that he should not let her decision compromise his own morals.  I would tell him that, while his wife’s decision may be upsetting and not one he agrees with, she still has the right to her agency and he needs to be honest with her about how he intends to react to it, so that she can make her own decisions with full information.  Honestly, I hope that I would not have to have this conversation with my son or daughter, not only because I hope they end up in fulfilling marriages, but because if they were to end up in a situation similar to the cheater’s I hope that the lessons about honesty and respect my spouse and I have tried to impart to them and model  for them would guide them.[/quote]

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