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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“Your choice to lie tells me everything I need to know. Please find another place to sleep tonight while I process what I want to do next.”[/quote]

+1  I'm not going to become Inspector Gadget but I'm not putting up with it either.  [/quote]

+2 - No way in hell will I snoop on my husband or live with a cheater. People always eventually get caught....I don't have time to snoop. Plus, if I feel like I have to snoop, then I want a divorce.[/quote]

I understand what you're saying.  I completely trusted my husband and never would have dreamed of snooping on him until I accidentally stumbled over incontrovertible evidence that he had been unfaithful. When confronted, he lied, just like OP's DH.

Once DH lied to me, I no longer felt he was no longer entitled to any presumption of trust. I knew at that moment that the marriage was over. Yes, I could have dumped him right then and walked away without any remorse.

BUT, I choose to snoop, and snoop thoroughly I did. I went through everything I legally had access to -- computers in the home, bills, phone records, bank records, car mileage, etc. What I found was a real eye-opener - DH had far more problems than just 1 inappropriate relationship.  I ended the marriage and have never once looked back or had any remorse or doubts, and I was able to make wiser custody and child support decisions based on what I found out.

Had I not known the real facts, I would have been much more susceptible to DH"s ongoing gas-lighting and lying, which didn't end with our marriage.  I would have been much more susceptible to the pressure from friends and relatives to reconcile.  And, I would have been much more susceptible to pressure from therapists (therapists!!) who advocated reconciliation, forgiveness and deciding to trust again.

So, while I agree with you about not wanting to live with someone you feel has to be snooped on, I do think there's a value to it, even if it's likely that you will still breakup with them.[/quote]

I actually agree with you. But, you didn't find the evidence because you were snooping, it was accidentally uncovered. Once you have a reason, then that's different. Especially if you are moving towards divorce. The point I was trying to make... if you are constantly snooping because you suspect, then you probably already know the answer.[/quote]

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