Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 12:28     Subject: Re:Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:If legit his over reaction to her question is awfully suspicious. He wouldn't be doing himself any favors.


Dude is obviously sick and tired of dealing with the OP. He rolled out and has made no attempt to reach out and repair things making it quite evident he’s done with her and isn’t interested in “doing himself a favor” and getting back in her good graces. He’s had it.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 12:06     Subject: Re:Found nude pics on DHs phone
If legit his over reaction to her question is awfully suspicious. He wouldn't be doing himself any favors.



Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 11:55     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
OP just do the guy a favor and start the divorce proceedings.
I'm betting he will be more than appreciative of your decision so he can finally be rid of you.

Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 11:49     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:If it was porn, why wouldn’t he keep the face?

If it’s his boss and if she gets fired, he could get her job.



She sent it without the face that's why.

If OP finds out it's his boss, she should send it to her boss to show what the wacko was sending. I would think she'd be fired pretty quick.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 11:41     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
If it was porn, why wouldn’t he keep the face?

If it’s his boss and if she gets fired, he could get her job.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 11:36     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I do think it is his boss, the photo just seemed so familiar. They both work for a liberal think-tank in DC, and they do travel together and work late. DH has been upset lately due to all the Trump $#it in the news, and he knows my lobbying job is to enforce some of the Admin's environmental policies - and that has caused some stress in our relationship.


Yeah, I can understand that. When Trump gets me upset, it causes an uncontrollable urge in me to bang other woman. It's not my fault at it. It's Trump's fault. Damn, we need Trump for another 4 years. People still haven't thought of enough stuff to blame him for.


LOL

I'm thinking OP is a troll especially with the Trump line.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 11:31     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Your choice to lie tells me everything I need to know. Please find another place to sleep tonight while I process what I want to do next.”


+1 I'm not going to become Inspector Gadget but I'm not putting up with it either.


+2 - No way in hell will I snoop on my husband or live with a cheater. People always eventually get caught....I don't have time to snoop. Plus, if I feel like I have to snoop, then I want a divorce.


How childish. Do you feel that way about your tax attorney, real estate broker, or accountant? A spouse is a bigger investment, and yes they do get away with it. Some for decades simply because the spouse believed everything they said. Remember Charles Kuralt? He worked for CBS and had a secret mistress in another state. His wife of 35 years only found out after he died. The mistress claimed he willed her some land, it became a big fight. He was a horrible man, the kids nor wife ever got over it.

Why would you have to snoop? We can access each others phones/computers at any time. If you have a private secretive spouse there is a problem right there.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 11:10     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Your choice to lie tells me everything I need to know. Please find another place to sleep tonight while I process what I want to do next.”


+1 I'm not going to become Inspector Gadget but I'm not putting up with it either.


+2 - No way in hell will I snoop on my husband or live with a cheater. People always eventually get caught....I don't have time to snoop. Plus, if I feel like I have to snoop, then I want a divorce.


I understand what you're saying. I completely trusted my husband and never would have dreamed of snooping on him until I accidentally stumbled over incontrovertible evidence that he had been unfaithful. When confronted, he lied, just like OP's DH.

Once DH lied to me, I no longer felt he was no longer entitled to any presumption of trust. I knew at that moment that the marriage was over. Yes, I could have dumped him right then and walked away without any remorse.

BUT, I choose to snoop, and snoop thoroughly I did. I went through everything I legally had access to -- computers in the home, bills, phone records, bank records, car mileage, etc. What I found was a real eye-opener - DH had far more problems than just 1 inappropriate relationship. I ended the marriage and have never once looked back or had any remorse or doubts, and I was able to make wiser custody and child support decisions based on what I found out.

Had I not known the real facts, I would have been much more susceptible to DH"s ongoing gas-lighting and lying, which didn't end with our marriage. I would have been much more susceptible to the pressure from friends and relatives to reconcile. And, I would have been much more susceptible to pressure from therapists (therapists!!) who advocated reconciliation, forgiveness and deciding to trust again.

So, while I agree with you about not wanting to live with someone you feel has to be snooped on, I do think there's a value to it, even if it's likely that you will still breakup with them.


I actually agree with you. But, you didn't find the evidence because you were snooping, it was accidentally uncovered. Once you have a reason, then that's different. Especially if you are moving towards divorce. The point I was trying to make... if you are constantly snooping because you suspect, then you probably already know the answer.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 11:07     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let's even say that your DH didn't cheat and those pictures were innocent. Is it a normal reaction to get so mad at being "falsely accused" that you have to leave the house and not answer your spouse's calls? I think not.


Oh shut up you don't know this guy's temperament and as annoying as the OP is the way she creates 2/3 posts a week whining about one thing or another I'd say it was WISE on his part to leave the house before he ended up having a brain aneurysm from her nagging and dying.



You're acting as if the OP made up this accusation completely out of nowhere (assuming it is real and OP is not a troll.) If nude photos are found a phone, it is perfectly reasonable to question cheating. And if you can't understand that and won't put effort in to clear up the misunderstanding - if there is one - than you should probably just be single. Nothing wrong with that, but it's a bit much to become irate about it when it is a perfectly logical accusation. Again, all of this is assuming the OP didn't behave like a complete psycho and didn't chase him out of the house with a frying pan or some other shenanigans.


You only go to cheating immediately if you don't trust your husband. If I found nudes on my husband phone, I would not think he is cheating. I would think he is getting himself worked up to come home and have sex with me. Maybe I take this view because I still have AMAZING sex with my husband all these years later, unlike most DCUM women.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 11:03     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Your choice to lie tells me everything I need to know. Please find another place to sleep tonight while I process what I want to do next.”


+1 I'm not going to become Inspector Gadget but I'm not putting up with it either.


+2 - No way in hell will I snoop on my husband or live with a cheater. People always eventually get caught....I don't have time to snoop. Plus, if I feel like I have to snoop, then I want a divorce.


I understand what you're saying. I completely trusted my husband and never would have dreamed of snooping on him until I accidentally stumbled over incontrovertible evidence that he had been unfaithful. When confronted, he lied, just like OP's DH.

Once DH lied to me, I no longer felt he was no longer entitled to any presumption of trust. I knew at that moment that the marriage was over. Yes, I could have dumped him right then and walked away without any remorse.

BUT, I choose to snoop, and snoop thoroughly I did. I went through everything I legally had access to -- computers in the home, bills, phone records, bank records, car mileage, etc. What I found was a real eye-opener - DH had far more problems than just 1 inappropriate relationship. I ended the marriage and have never once looked back or had any remorse or doubts, and I was able to make wiser custody and child support decisions based on what I found out.

Had I not known the real facts, I would have been much more susceptible to DH"s ongoing gas-lighting and lying, which didn't end with our marriage. I would have been much more susceptible to the pressure from friends and relatives to reconcile. And, I would have been much more susceptible to pressure from therapists (therapists!!) who advocated reconciliation, forgiveness and deciding to trust again.

So, while I agree with you about not wanting to live with someone you feel has to be snooped on, I do think there's a value to it, even if it's likely that you will still breakup with them.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 11:01     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let's even say that your DH didn't cheat and those pictures were innocent. Is it a normal reaction to get so mad at being "falsely accused" that you have to leave the house and not answer your spouse's calls? I think not.


Oh shut up you don't know this guy's temperament and as annoying as the OP is the way she creates 2/3 posts a week whining about one thing or another I'd say it was WISE on his part to leave the house before he ended up having a brain aneurysm from her nagging and dying.



You're acting as if the OP made up this accusation completely out of nowhere (assuming it is real and OP is not a troll.) If nude photos are found a phone, it is perfectly reasonable to question cheating. And if you can't understand that and won't put effort in to clear up the misunderstanding - if there is one - than you should probably just be single. Nothing wrong with that, but it's a bit much to become irate about it when it is a perfectly logical accusation. Again, all of this is assuming the OP didn't behave like a complete psycho and didn't chase him out of the house with a frying pan or some other shenanigans.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 10:58     Subject: Re:Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

^^^^^ THIS.

Both of you are reacting exactly like most people do when an affair is uncovered.

The cheating spouse lies, deflects blame, and then turns it back on the victim. In this case, he denied the photos existed and went to his mistress's house, and is freezing you out.

The victim, in shock and unsure what their life will look like post-marriage, accepts some of that blame and does the "pick me" dance.


Read this, and realize you are not alone but you don't have to be a stereotype. https://www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-humiliating-dance-of-pick-me/


I'm beginning to think that OP is a troll post but had to say anyway that I think chumplady is AMAZING! She cuts right through the BS.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 10:54     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:Let's even say that your DH didn't cheat and those pictures were innocent. Is it a normal reaction to get so mad at being "falsely accused" that you have to leave the house and not answer your spouse's calls? I think not.


Oh shut up you don't know this guy's temperament and as annoying as the OP is the way she creates 2/3 posts a week whining about one thing or another I'd say it was WISE on his part to leave the house before he ended up having a brain aneurysm from her nagging and dying.

Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 10:51     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let's even say that your DH didn't cheat and those pictures were innocent. Is it a normal reaction to get so mad at being "falsely accused" that you have to leave the house and not answer your spouse's calls? I think not.


I don't know. When you go straight to an accusation of you are cheating on me with your boss...without having a real conversation....he may feel like he is with a partner that doesn't trust him. I think I would want some time alone to reflect on that....


If I wasn't actually cheating, of course. Should have added that...
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2019 10:50     Subject: Found nude pics on DHs phone
Anonymous wrote:Let's even say that your DH didn't cheat and those pictures were innocent. Is it a normal reaction to get so mad at being "falsely accused" that you have to leave the house and not answer your spouse's calls? I think not.


I don't know. When you go straight to an accusation of you are cheating on me with your boss...without having a real conversation....he may feel like he is with a partner that doesn't trust him. I think I would want some time alone to reflect on that....