Reply to Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?

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Reply to "Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]If you truly cannot think of a way to be a social person in the world/your office without making sexual or appearance-related comments to or about your colleagues, I don't know what to tell you. It's really not that difficult.[/quote]
So let's be very clear: Your true and honest advice to men is that they should never make any "appearance-related comments" to anyone in the world/office?  I assume you'd exclude my wife and daughters from that broad rule, but would you exclude anyone else?

Please don't dodge the question again by calling me "obtuse" or otherwise ducking.  Please answer the question clearly: Are you saying that men should simply never offer any comment  - no matter how innocuous and innocent they might consider it - to any other person?

You say "It's really not that difficult," but I'm wondering if you truly are suggesting all men follow such a broad guideline.  Interested to hear if you'll stand by what you wrote or not.[/quote]

Yes, I think it's a good rule of thumb not to comment on your colleague's appearance unless you are absolutely certain they won't mind.  How hard is that?  There's a huge range of other small talk you can make.  And if you're not telling Fred that his mustache looks great, you should not be telling Frieda that you like her haircut.  Commenting on appearance is something between intimates, not coworkers.  [/quote]

Let's be crystal clear though - your post did not limit it to colleagues, but rather encompassed everyone in the "world."  If you view really is that no appearance-related comments should ever be made, I want you to say that directly and clearly.  The only limitation I hear from you is for "intimates" which I take to mean family or very close friends.  Is that really what you're saying?

Also, I'm curious if you think the same "rule" applies to women commenting on men's appearance, or women commenting on women's appearance.  I pretty routinely hear female colleagues compliment one another's appearance.  My wife will pretty routinely compliment both women and men at the market or at restaurants if she likes their hair/jewelry/clothes.  People always appear to respond positively, but maybe they secretly loathe us both.  Should I tell my wife many people on DCUM think her comments are inappropriate?

Also, FWIW, if Fred has a new 'tache, I'd definitely tell him it looks good.  But apparently, you think I should never do that either.[/quote]

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