Reply to Van Lifer couple camping in Utah national park - two weeks later fiancee arrives in FL alone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My point is what caused the disarray?[/quote]

It was not even 2 months yet and , since they lived together for 2 years before that here is the lesson in why young adults should be counseled against running off like this with no purpose , no job and no concrete supports at that age:

They had a very vague plan and itinerary -but a chained together in a confined space - the van - which traps them to stay together in away because for each of them the van is their only form of shelter and transportation

Had they been Eurailing in Europe and had a Youth Hostel pass , they each could have gone their separate ways , but do you see - either they end their trip ( both give up their dream ) AND break up OR they stay in that Van and keep trying

Many young people have a hard time breaking up with the person that they have allowed themselves to become too dependent upon BUT for each of them , to break up meant giving up the van ( she can’t drive so she has to give up the whole trip ) . He has to admit failure to her, his parents and her parents - and himself

Had they each had an independent means of travel and their own money , they could have separated and Gabby write her blog ,” I kicked my lame bf out of my van and now I’m living my dream on my own ‘ cause I’m enough “ ( I would have followed her )

Instead, tragically- The pressure of their opposing goals begins to grate at Brian - “ she has this little blog “ ( Gabby wants to write a fairy tale )What does Brian want : he is basically an anti-social who just wants to hike off to the Wild barefoot and live off the land . Gabby wants him home for dinner and she wants to post photos of what she cooked and he should smile while he eats it

He can’t stand his own sense of failure and he feels trapped - kinda like people who kill themselves - too bad he didn’t . Instead, he kills her …now he can go on walkabout and not come back [/quote]
Oh, come on.  Lots of young people go on adventures without being murdered by their boyfriend.  I backpacked across rural Romania, Serbia, Bosnia and Slovakia with a boyfriend at 22.  Still alive.  All pre-cell phone in extremely rural locations with no one checking on me.  I was 100% unemployed, as was he, and we were getting by on a few dollars a day.  It was amazing and an experience I'll never forget.  Now I'm a right 40-something boring lawyer with kids.

Gabby could have left at any time.  She had access to the internet.  She was in touch with her mom.  She was in the States and in tourist locations.  There was nothing inherently unsafe about a van trip with a boyfriend.  She just picked the wrong guy and didn't follow her good sense to leave when things went downhill.  The plan to camp in US parks in a van wasn't the problem.  It was not leaving when it became apparent there was a problem with the guy and relationship.[/quote]

You’ve obviously never been in an abusive relationship.  I stayed for 8 years.  I had strong family support.  I had money.  I didn’t leave.  He destroyed every bit of self-esteem I ever had.  He broke my bones, but breaking my spirit is what kept me from leaving.  He threatened to disappear with my kids.  He threatened to kill me.  He practiced killing me several times.  He threatened to kill my family.  It took serious intervention by a close friend, the police, a victims rights advocate, the courts, and a domestic violence counselor to help me get away.  This was almost 25 years ago. I suffer from PTSD with panic.  I will never fully heal.

People thought we were the perfect couple.  He was an Army officer.  I stayed at home with our kids.  No one knew what I was going through at home.  It’s not as easy as “just leave”. [/quote]

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