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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DS is being counseled out of a top private school now. Reading this thread has somewhat helped me to understand.  He is the first ouf our family to go to private school so I did not have alot of experience with this environment.  He has gone to this school since kindergarten and he is in 8th grade now.  He scores very high, 99th percentile, on standardized tests, and the Middle school VP told me he is brilliant. But he has ADHD, and he has difficulty remembering the homework. He does it and forgets to bring it or forgets to click post on google classroom.  Or he forgets it has to be done. He does well on the tests but the late and missing homework drag his grades down. His grades are As and Bs with a B- here and there. The teachers don't like that he doodles and fidgets. He is a nerdy, skinny unathletic sweet kid who is not aggressive at all.  When he was younger the teachers were annoyed because he would sometimes get up out of his chair and stand behind his desk and would wiggle and jiggle in his chair.  He also called out (the correct) answers out of turn.  Alternatively he would read a book in class when they were going over material he had already mastered.  His hyperactivity is far less pronounced now in middle school.  His math is off the charts good but he has organizational issues and his essay writing and grammar needs work. I cannot afford tutors because all of my money goes to pay the school although he needs a writing tutor and an organizational coach.  The counseling out started in 6th grade, when he got a C in Mandarin.  I was amazed at how they could say he wasn't academically fit for the school because he got a C in Chinese.  Granted he only got As in math and the rest of the grades were B+ to B-.  I medicated him in 7th grade and his grades did improve to As and Bs. I thought we were out of the woods but then in the first week of 8th grade he was late on 2 homework assignments and the VP of Middle school called me to say he wasn't academically able to manage High School.  Again, I was amazed, at how they could say that in the first week of class. I was outraged because i thought, he cannot be the only kid in this entire school that has some B's.  I asked specifically if it was a behavioral issue and I was told no.  However they did want me to start the medication again, which i have done. The school is 45k a year and I have been paying since K, so I could avoid the hardship of the HS search.  I should also say that he turned 5 a week before the school cutoff and so is an actual year younger than many of the other boys who turned 6 in the weeks after K started.  Being a year younger as a boy makes a big difference as it makes it harder to compete in sports if you are 6 inches shorter and 40 pounds lighter than the rest of the boys every year. I sometimes wonder if he really has ADHD or if he is just a really smart 7th grader rather than an immature 8th grader.  Anyway, i can see the other side from reading these comments.  Not like he ever was physically aggressive but i am sure his inattention and wigglyness was distracting to other kids and annoying to teachers. I just didn't want to give him a stimulant when he was young and in the 5th percentile for weight. My feeling when they told me he answered out of turn or stood behind his desk was, "so - he's not perfect.  He is smart and nice, so just teach him, that is what i am paying you 45k to do".  In 6th grade when they wanted us to leave they said they would suggest some schools for him that would be better but then they never did.  Maybe i would have sent him to one - a school for very smart kids with ADHD. What would that look like?  Balls to sit on and standing desks and time to stretch after class and every assignment posted online as well as being mentioned in passing during class.  When he is frequently bored in class now because the work moves slowly, I wouldnt want to send him to a school where he is with profoundly LD children, yet he does need extra support in certain areas.  Apparently the private schools dont want to provide any sort of support at all.  Also I cannot afford to contribute more than the annual fee on my salary and i am a single mother so i am not able to come and devote alot of time to support the school.  I can see how they would want to squeeze my DS out and replace him with a big donor family with a kid that doesnt need any extra support at all. But i do feel a little bitter.  I spent so much over the years, and hoped they might make a commitment to educating my entirely educable child. At least that is the promise they made in K when we enrolled. But it is not the reality.[/quote]

There is a lot here to address but as a former skinny, smaller, immature, younger-than-the-rest boy, who probably also had issues that required medicine, I suggest you hold him back.  Find some other outlet for the fact that he will get bored for a bit and then watch as mastery feeds into confidence and success helps with maturity.   Being youngest and maybe smartest is nightmare.   [/quote]

I would switch him to a public school and hold him back. take some of the $45K you are spending on tuition and use it to pay for a house in a great school district (if you don't already live in one). it's sad that you are going through this. Sounds like your kid will turn out just fine but public schools (where there are more supports, you will have some $$ left for add'l support, and where sports are less of a prime focus) will be a better fit anyway.[/quote]

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