Reply to DW has incredibly low sex drive - not sure what can be done to help

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[quote=Anonymous]This has been an incredibly lame thread, even by DCUM standards. I am sorry for OP who comes on here with a sincere question, seeking some help.

OP, if you are still checking in, there is a good book called Passionate Marriage that may help you. It really dissects sex patterns in marriage and how to get out of them.

I think you need to take the risk of telling your DW exactly how you feel, "I'd really like to make love with you in our bed, I miss you and although the showers are nice, it's not all I want to do to be close to you." And *ask* her how she feels and why she reacts the way she does. You may need to suggest going to couples therapy. I know that sounds crazy but really it's not, it helped my marriage and I had zero interest in ever leaving my spouse, cheating, etc. I just wanted more sex and more intimacy in our relationship. I would frame it less as you wanting your wife to do more for you, but rather you wanting to be closer to her and that you have a need for emotional intimacy that is not being met. And that you are lonely. Use words like hurt, lonely, feel unloved, sad, rejected, etc...that really express the emotional impact of this on you. Make it clear that you want to understand her and her views. See if she is up for experimenting more. She may be totally bored too. Who knows how she feels. You have to find out. And you have to make it clear that this is really important to you. When two people love each other they try to meet the others' needs. You may have tried to engage her on this before but you need to keep pushing it. Change is hard, but you can do it [/quote]

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