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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To the low drive spouses, if sex is not important to you, why do you want to be married?  Can you just admit that you're only there for the money, or someone to take care of you, or just want a roommate?  Because once you admit this, your spouse may allow you to keep it if they can just fuck elsewhere.

Duty sex is terrible. [/quote]

Duty sex isn't any more fun on the low drive end. :lol:

I have offered spouse an amicable divorce. He doesn't want it. I don't really disagree. We have two kids and the oldest is SN.  The kids needs us to be together for right now.

DH has permission to get what he wants, wherever he wants, from whomever he wants, whenever he wants. He doesn't want that. What he wants is to have sex with me, the way we had sex when we were in our 20s.

Many things have been tried to ramp up my sex drive. Weekends away. Medication (bupropion) to ramp up my sex drive.  Estrogen cream. Tantric sex class. Therapy.  It's not happening. It's dead, Jim.  (I don't really miss it, BTW. It was fun while it lasted, but I'd rather have a glass of wine and a good book at this point in my life.)

We compromised.  We have sex once a week and I blow him once a week. I try to make it enjoyable.  My skills weren't bad back in the day, and they're still there.  [/quote]

The point of all of these bazillions of threads about miserable marriages and deserted sex lives is that everyone is so different!

Just last night DH and I were laying in bed talking about sex. My drive has greatly increased recently and he is very happy (when I say increased, I used to only want to do it once every 20 days, now we are up to 3xs a week-I REFUSE to do duty sex and he would hate it. He's a quality kind of guy).  We also talked about people with dead sexual relationships and how if that were us I would let him have sex with other women if I could not step up to the plate, but that my big fear would be him falling in love with someone.  He claimed he would never fall in love with someone else and I called complete and total BULLSHIT. He says that now, beucase we are healthy, but I think if we were in a bad place (sexless marriage) it would be very possible. He then agreed and said that his sense of "duty" to me and the kids would be too strong to walk away. I do believe him. He would rather be personally miserable than divorced. It just does not happen in his family. ZERO divorces.

I then was EMPHATIC that if he was ever with me out of duty, to [u]please for the love of God leave me[/u]. I cannot think of anything more horrific than a spouse being with me out of duty. I'd rather be alone with my cats than a charity case. I have way too much self respect and pride for that. I have my own job, a high income and can more than support myself. We could split everything down the middle, shake hands and move on.

I have no idea how people stick around in these dead marriages.  To me, this is not an option. I enjoy having sex with my DH, I love our passion, and our playfulness. I don't see a marriage for me without that.[/quote]

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