^^Sorry, I used to do it every 10 days, not 20!!! I've never gone 20!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the low drive spouses, if sex is not important to you, why do you want to be married? Can you just admit that you're only there for the money, or someone to take care of you, or just want a roommate? Because once you admit this, your spouse may allow you to keep it if they can just fuck elsewhere.

Duty sex is terrible.

Duty sex isn't any more fun on the low drive end.

I have offered spouse an amicable divorce. He doesn't want it. I don't really disagree. We have two kids and the oldest is SN. The kids needs us to be together for right now.

DH has permission to get what he wants, wherever he wants, from whomever he wants, whenever he wants. He doesn't want that. What he wants is to have sex with me, the way we had sex when we were in our 20s.

Many things have been tried to ramp up my sex drive. Weekends away. Medication (bupropion) to ramp up my sex drive. Estrogen cream. Tantric sex class. Therapy. It's not happening. It's dead, Jim. (I don't really miss it, BTW. It was fun while it lasted, but I'd rather have a glass of wine and a good book at this point in my life.)

We compromised. We have sex once a week and I blow him once a week. I try to make it enjoyable. My skills weren't bad back in the day, and they're still there.

The point of all of these bazillions of threads about miserable marriages and deserted sex lives is that everyone is so different!

Just last night DH and I were laying in bed talking about sex. My drive has greatly increased recently and he is very happy (when I say increased, I used to only want to do it once every 20 days, now we are up to 3xs a week-I REFUSE to do duty sex and he would hate it. He's a quality kind of guy). We also talked about people with dead sexual relationships and how if that were us I would let him have sex with other women if I could not step up to the plate, but that my big fear would be him falling in love with someone. He claimed he would never fall in love with someone else and I called complete and total BULLSHIT. He says that now, beucase we are healthy, but I think if we were in a bad place (sexless marriage) it would be very possible. He then agreed and said that his sense of "duty" to me and the kids would be too strong to walk away. I do believe him. He would rather be personally miserable than divorced. It just does not happen in his family. ZERO divorces.

I then was EMPHATIC that if he was ever with me out of duty, to please for the love of God leave me. I cannot think of anything more horrific than a spouse being with me out of duty. I'd rather be alone with my cats than a charity case. I have way too much self respect and pride for that. I have my own job, a high income and can more than support myself. We could split everything down the middle, shake hands and move on.

I have no idea how people stick around in these dead marriages. To me, this is not an option. I enjoy having sex with my DH, I love our passion, and our playfulness. I don't see a marriage for me without that.

Hey lost sex-drive person--have you tried zinc supplements? They make me horny.

It goes without saying, don't use hormonal birth control. I think it's great you've tried things and that you sex up your husband regularly, but then you already knew what it was like to have a sex drive, so you get it. I hope it comes back for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the low drive spouses, if sex is not important to you, why do you want to be married? Can you just admit that you're only there for the money, or someone to take care of you, or just want a roommate? Because once you admit this, your spouse may allow you to keep it if they can just fuck elsewhere.

Duty sex is terrible.

Duty sex isn't any more fun on the low drive end.

I have offered spouse an amicable divorce. He doesn't want it. I don't really disagree. We have two kids and the oldest is SN. The kids needs us to be together for right now.

DH has permission to get what he wants, wherever he wants, from whomever he wants, whenever he wants. He doesn't want that. What he wants is to have sex with me, the way we had sex when we were in our 20s.

Many things have been tried to ramp up my sex drive. Weekends away. Medication (bupropion) to ramp up my sex drive. Estrogen cream. Tantric sex class. Therapy. It's not happening. It's dead, Jim. (I don't really miss it, BTW. It was fun while it lasted, but I'd rather have a glass of wine and a good book at this point in my life.)

We compromised. We have sex once a week and I blow him once a week. I try to make it enjoyable. My skills weren't bad back in the day, and they're still there.

This is really depressing. A husband who really loves his wife -- he has a free pass to go have sex with the rest of the world but what he wants is the woman he married. A wife who really loves her husband -- she has made great efforts to regain her sex drive and is gutting out the weekly sex and blowjobs. But, despite their best intentions and best efforts, the mismatched sex drives looks like a big source of unhappiness for both.

Also, of course PP doesn't miss her sex drive -- it's because her sex drive is gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying so doesn't make it so.

I'd say that a high drive spouse who is obsessed with sucking and fucking like he/she is 20, when he/she is really 40, is a pervert and a freak who should be engaged in more productive adult past times. That doesn't make it so, though.

Pissing away your marriage with all of the financial issues and kid issues involved is not the best idea. Doing it because you are trying to recapture the sex life you had in your 20s is folly.

That's just the thing, I didn't have sex when I was 20. I got married at 27, very inexperienced. Now, at almost 40, I do not think I can live with only vanilla sex for the rest of my marriage. There's so much more out there that I never even knew existed. And what is a more productive adult pastime? I'd rather have sex than watch TV, surf the 'net or drink. Is that wrong?

If that's your definition of "productive," then you are not just wrong, you're socially retarded. No wonder you didn't have sex until you were 27.

I work 45 hours a week and am raising two children. Is that what you think is more important and incompatible with sex at 40?

You need a hobby. Have you considered gardening?

I would like sex to be my hobby (I do volunteer and exercise also).

LOL, you really are making someone feel very insecure. It's funny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As far as I'm concerned, a "low drive spouse" is a FAULT in a divorce.

I'd say a "Low drive spouse not willing to try and increase their drive" is a fault.

Yes, that's a fair fix to the statement.

Sigh. That's why I studied acting in college. I'm just hanging out, waiting for my husband to die, so I never have to suck another dick, ever again.

What a sad existence.

How does it relate to the quoted posts? It doesn't make sense.

It is still flying way way higher over your head than I thought.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying so doesn't make it so.

I'd say that a high drive spouse who is obsessed with sucking and fucking like he/she is 20, when he/she is really 40, is a pervert and a freak who should be engaged in more productive adult past times. That doesn't make it so, though.

Pissing away your marriage with all of the financial issues and kid issues involved is not the best idea. Doing it because you are trying to recapture the sex life you had in your 20s is folly.

That's just the thing, I didn't have sex when I was 20. I got married at 27, very inexperienced. Now, at almost 40, I do not think I can live with only vanilla sex for the rest of my marriage. There's so much more out there that I never even knew existed. And what is a more productive adult pastime? I'd rather have sex than watch TV, surf the 'net or drink. Is that wrong?

If that's your definition of "productive," then you are not just wrong, you're socially retarded. No wonder you didn't have sex until you were 27.

I work 45 hours a week and am raising two children. Is that what you think is more important and incompatible with sex at 40?

You need a hobby. Have you considered gardening?

I would like sex to be my hobby (I do volunteer and exercise also).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Saying so doesn't make it so.

I'd say that a high drive spouse who is obsessed with sucking and fucking like he/she is 20, when he/she is really 40, is a pervert and a freak who should be engaged in more productive adult past times. That doesn't make it so, though.

Pissing away your marriage with all of the financial issues and kid issues involved is not the best idea. Doing it because you are trying to recapture the sex life you had in your 20s is folly.

That's just the thing, I didn't have sex when I was 20. I got married at 27, very inexperienced. Now, at almost 40, I do not think I can live with only vanilla sex for the rest of my marriage. There's so much more out there that I never even knew existed. And what is a more productive adult pastime? I'd rather have sex than watch TV, surf the 'net or drink. Is that wrong?

If that's your definition of "productive," then you are not just wrong, you're socially retarded. No wonder you didn't have sex until you were 27.

I work 45 hours a week and am raising two children. Is that what you think is more important and incompatible with sex at 40?

You need a hobby. Have you considered gardening?

Anonymous wrote:To the low drive spouses, if sex is not important to you, why do you want to be married? Can you just admit that you're only there for the money, or someone to take care of you, or just want a roommate? Because once you admit this, your spouse may allow you to keep it if they can just fuck elsewhere.

Duty sex is terrible.

Duty sex isn't any more fun on the low drive end.

I have offered spouse an amicable divorce. He doesn't want it. I don't really disagree. We have two kids and the oldest is SN. The kids needs us to be together for right now.

DH has permission to get what he wants, wherever he wants, from whomever he wants, whenever he wants. He doesn't want that. What he wants is to have sex with me, the way we had sex when we were in our 20s.

Many things have been tried to ramp up my sex drive. Weekends away. Medication (bupropion) to ramp up my sex drive. Estrogen cream. Tantric sex class. Therapy. It's not happening. It's dead, Jim. (I don't really miss it, BTW. It was fun while it lasted, but I'd rather have a glass of wine and a good book at this point in my life.)

We compromised. We have sex once a week and I blow him once a week. I try to make it enjoyable. My skills weren't bad back in the day, and they're still there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's just the thing, I didn't have sex when I was 20. I got married at 27, very inexperienced. Now, at almost 40, I do not think I can live with only vanilla sex for the rest of my marriage. There's so much more out there that I never even knew existed. And what is a more productive adult pastime? I'd rather have sex than watch TV, surf the 'net or drink. Is that wrong?

Will you marry me?

Only if you agree to initiate at least once or twice a week and only, and I'm serious about this, you give oral happily and at great length.

No problem!!!