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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You do realize this works both ways, right?  DW isn't having her needs met outside the bedroom so her level of desire and attraction is low.  She complains and DH says he would be better if he got more sex.  She complies but still doesn't get what she wants and the downward spiral begins.[/quote]

Yes--and in both cases the woman is using sex as a weapon and a reward.[/quote]

+1  I just do not think a lot of married folks get it.  Use intimacy as a motivational tool at your peril.   Trust me, the LAST thing you want is for your spouse to stop asking you for that intimacy.  And if intimancy with my spouse is tied to some household chore or changing conditions, it is not worth it.  And once I stop asking, it is a wrap.  My spouse and I have come back from the abyss but early in our marriage, sex was used a reward.  "I would be more likely to want to do it if you would [fill in blank].  I already did my fair share of the housework and then some.  After a while, it set in that my spouse did not desire me but sex was a means to an end.  I stopped asking and rebuffed their advances to me.  I was asked whether I still found them attractive in that way since I no longer asked.  I said no - anyone who forces me to jump through hoops just to get basic intimacy is not attractive. My spouse was offended. It took counseling for us work things out even to this point.   [/quote]

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