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[quote=Anonymous]I wouldn't assume that men lose interest because their wives have "let themselves go."  They might, but more often I would think that men lose interest in sex for the same reasons women do: hormones, general malaise, general dissatisfaction with their lives and relationships.

I don't know how men explain their disinterest in sex, because I've never had to give (or receive) that speech.

I have heard from my wife many explanations of why she's disinterested, from work stress to birth control hormones to being tired to me not doing enough to help around the house.  I'm sure she sincerely believes these things when she says them, but she's no longer on birth control, she's changed jobs, she gets sleep, and I do plenty around the house, and we still don't have sex very often.  She's just not that into it.  Some people aren't, and that's okay, as long as they're otherwise happy.

The problem with spouses giving bogus (even if good-faith) reasons for not wanting sex is that the other spouse feels cheated when s/he fixes those reasons and their sex life doesn't improve.  It feels like either the low-desire spouse was lying (even though they weren't), or that they're otherwise unsatisfied with the marriage but can't express it.  It's hard for an HD spouse to accept that the LD spouse loves them when the LD spouse doesn't want to have sex.  It just doesn't make sense to an HD person.  Both would be better off if they made an effort to understand each other's feelings without blaming each other for their mismatched desire levels.

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