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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My one year old daughter was conceived as the result of an affair. Her father told his wife about the baby but does not want their three other (teenaged) children to find out and does not wish to be a part of her life (he's a pol - go figure). He wanted me to abort but I couldn't. I love her dearly and am happy to raise her on my own. My question is what do I tell her about her father? Anyone ever been in this situation or a similar one? I realize I have made some pretty grave mistakes but I want to minimize the damage. Any advice would be appreciated.[/quote]

One of my best friends was in this sitaution , and in a smallish community. She married another man when the child was two, but was honest with the boy that his Dad was someone else as he was growing up. When he was a teen ager she told him the identity of his father , and the father lives up to his financial obligations. My friend worried taht her son may have had self-esteem issues due to the "shame" of it. But I think that was her worry, all moms worry. THe child grew up , and became a doctor, and is a hppy adult now.

I think keeping a secret, or lying and then having a child find out would be more hurtful in the long run, though you do have to stage the disclosure to age approp levels, imho.

Similarly, my child was conceived with help of anon donor sperm, and my child has always been told this since he began to ask at age two," when will I see my Dad again?" Until about age 5 or 6 he would tell anyone who asked that his mom used a sperm donor, then about age 6 he started to edit that to, "my Dad lives in Englan , and the rest is private" and only tell his closest friends. He knows that, if he wants when he is 18, he can look for the donor. That might have been a hard story to share all at one at age 10, but as he has grown up with it, and now has friends who's parents are divorced or dead, he rolls with it.

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