Reply to Is there any expectation on a family member who stays “postpartum”?

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[quote=Anonymous]Good lord the self righteousness on here. Amazing for those of you who had easy deliveries and popped up to order around your paid servants while your husband was also doing everything! I can see how that would be easy and you would have low expectations from your guests.

Some of us had significant trauma from our birth experiences and our babies came home with extra needs. I am the PP who said I found the birth of my oldest child a more harrowing experience than my disease that landed me in the ICU for an extended stay. My kid was also still recovering at the time we were discharged. It was NOT a good time for guests, just like it would not have been a good time for guests if I was recovering from any other major surgery/illness. But my ILs were very excited about the baby and I was new to navigating the relationship of “keeper of the grandchildren” ( which has been a completely different roller coaster than DIL) and I tried to set up a visit that we could manage but they were not respectful of our wishes and attempts to set boundaries. I would have loved it if my husband had been more helpful but he did not handle the disaster in the hospital well and was emotionally in worse shape than me. I didn’t expect that and I didn’t have a lot of energy to manage it.

So when my ILs showed up and basically ignored how badly my husband and I were BOTH doing and focused entirely on their own excitement about being grandparents it hurt a bit. FWIW my FIL was more helpful than my MIL who wouldn’t even let him hold the baby. If we weren’t holding the baby, SHE was and no one else. He kindly did what he could and I think eventually went to the store and helped smooth over some of the drama.

We actually have a decent relationship now. It took a long time of me getting better enough to get my head on and then kindly but firmly placing boundaries but trying to facilitate the grandparents/grandchildren relationship in ways that were acceptable to me.

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