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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry OP, I empathize. I'm counting down the days when I can move back to Boston/New England. We moved here before the pandemic due to my husband's job. It became permanently remote. Now it's harder to move back because we have a kid and my husband feels rooted here. It's a constant source of tension in our marriage.

Moving is not a magic pill but that doesn't mean where you live has no impact on your mental health and outlook in look. It's not either/or. I was able to live in Boston for a month this past summer, and I instantly felt a huge difference. Yes, there were still tough days - kids will still get sick, you still worry about everyday problems, but what did disappear was the CONSTANT RESENTMENT toward my husband.

To PPs who suggested  "work on yourself," that was actually easier for me to do in Boston. Once I was there, I felt a great sense of agency because I could no longer blame my husband for all my unhappiness, frustrations, anxiety, etc. Whereas being stuck in DMV I could always point to "being stuck here" as the root of all my problems. It made me feel angry and helpless all the time.

Working on your own mental capacity to be happy has its limits. Not everyone can adjust to anywhere and everywhere. If so that argument can easily apply to your husband - surely he can work that mental magic and get excited about living in a new place?

Can you start concretely planning for the life you want and show your husband what that would look like? Show him what housing would look like there. How it might impact family finances. The good thing is you have a job and you are not dependent on him. At some point if he's totally unwilling to acknowledge your unhappiness, show him through action you have agency and you can leave. I don't mean dump the kids and divorce, but signal to him that you rent a place there, move with the kids, and he can decide to come along or not.

Don't ever let people convince you that "this area is great and something's wrong with you for not loving it here." It takes a lot of money and constant striving to live well here. I find people who are materially comfortable here tend to be very insecure when faced with criticism of the area. Probably because a big part of their identity is wrapped up in the life they established here - buying that expensive house, having that impressive sounding title, getting their kids into whatever fancy school, etc.

You're not alone! There are many of us DMV-haters out there, quietly plotting our escape. [/quote]

God this is so true. Here are some DCUM classics :

“Schools are bad” - no they are not / you can’t afford to go private? Can’t even afford to live in Bethesda?

“I hate the commute” - well too bad you live in Lorton you loser

“I hate the weather here, can’t handle summers “ - well i don’t have mosquitos where I live / you can’t afford to get away for the summer?!

“People are career obsessed here” - you are just antisocial / suck at making friends. Maybe you need therapy.

“Hard to make friends here, mom groups are clique-ey” - ditto as above. You need therapy. You sound anxious. You are overthinking. You lack social graces.

“There’s no culture here” - have you heard of the Kennedy center? And the free museums? You sounds pretentious.

“I want to get out of the rat race and go somewhere more laid back” - sure you redneck , go  back to Alabama. Just don’t forget , no free museums there

“I don’t like the suburbs here ” - you can’t afford to live in Old Town? Or Chevy Chase?

“Worried about urban crime” - you’re fearmongering, you’re too fragile / have you heard of old town? Or Chevy chase?

What am I missing ?

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