Reply to DD only kid in her friend group not invited

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s part of growing up.  Maybe they are not really her friends.  Find a wider friend group or different friends. It’s painful, but life.  [/quote]

OP here. Yes she has come to that conclusion. It has been a tough week for her. She had to listen to how great the party was on Monday by some "friends" that are not too self aware. The friend who had the party is one that I've been asked to give rides to and include in a number of things by her mom. I am staying out of it, but I will no longer drive her anywhere in the future. DD is chin up, but she is happy it's Friday.[/quote]

My DD is going through something similar. Friends that she introduced have been hanging out regularly and not including her. It's extremely painful. One of the other kids was new to the area and my DD was the first to accept her and include her and introduce her to these other girls.

I'll never make an accommodation for them or their families again. (And yes, they asked as recently as this week).[/quote]

Same situation here. Introduced the new girl in town to her friends and now new girl is taking over the group and leaving dd out.

I'm still helping the family out with rides and stuff as long as my dd isn't objecting, though I admit it is hard. Friend groups can shift quickly at this age and dd still likes her original friends too much to move on. [/quote]

Why are you still helping the family with rides? That sends the wrong message. Talk to your DD about having self respect. Your DD is worthy of friends who treat her well. She needs to move on if her old friends are going along with excluding her.[/quote]

Many reasons, including helping a new neighbor mom whose spouse is overseas a lot.

My daughter still is friends with many in the group, so I'm not going to have her be the bad guy and start excluding the new girl.[/quote]

So you won't help people who treat your daughter like crap unless it's inconvenient for them? Having a spouse overseas is NOT a good reason to support take the side of the mean girl against your own daughter. You're letting everyone know that you're still ready, willing, and able to be a doormat even if they mistreat your child. You're prioritizing the other family's convenience over basic respect for your child. You're sending the wrong message to your daughter and teaching her to be a permanent victim.

Are your daughter's friends going along with excluding her or not? You say they are but then claim that your daughter is still friends with them. It's either or.

You need to teach your daughter to push back every single time someone does or says something unkind to her. I had to teach my own teen that when a few girls were being jerks to her on her sports team last year as a Freshman. DD started pushing back every time and they left her alone and moved on to other victims. It worked really quickly. I also stopped giving them rides. No notice. Just sorry our schedule has changed and we can no longer do carpool. Their parents had to miss work to cover the shifts but that's not my problem. The older girls on the team really like DD and she managed to turn the tables. Now the older girls dislike the mean girls and all but one of the mean girls quit this year. The older girls complained about the remaining mean girl and she lost her position (she really does suck at the sport though), so she's neutralized for now. Things never would have gotten better if we still acted like doormats.[/quote]

Couldn’t agree more with this.  I’ve had to teach my nice kids how to stand up for themselves and it works like a charm.  The mean kids need to be put in their places.  My kids don’t exclude and are always the nice ones, but I’ve had to coach them on how to not take shit from anyone.[/quote]

This may work for outright meanness. For more subtle exclusion, it's not cut and dry. I don't think it's makes sense to teach my daughter to make a huge fuss if she's not invited to a sleepover or if she's left off a text thread. [/quote]

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