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[quote=Anonymous]I'm one of those attractive mid 30s women in a sexless marriage who would give anything to have sex with my DH again. I certainly contributed. It's simple, and so complicated.

Sex was easy at first, all those hormones, and you are so much less vulnerable in your 20s with not much history with each other. Then things started getting complicated. We were too shy to speak up about what we wanted. In my defense I had no idea what the fuck I wanted in my 20s. I was on the pill and my libido wasn't that high. Loved it once we got started but didn't think about it much otherwise, and that caused problems. I never refused it but my lack of initiation completely destroyed DH. But instead of communicating about it, he pulled something really passive aggressive and immature (punished me for it and withheld) and I don't believe we've ever recovered from that.

Now that I've had a child (pregnancy, childbirth, and BFing are completely empowering) and understand my body so much more, take care of my body and myself, built and advanced my career, figured out more who I am, and who I want to strive to be, and am just a much more confident, stronger woman, I have lost so many inhibitions, am so much more interested in sex, have a crazy libido, and am ready to give myself to him unselfishly, it may be too late. And of course, I'm only one half, he has acted so selfishly and hurt me so much. But he is learning too. And neither of us did it intentionally, we let our insecurities and fears get in the way. In all honesty I don't think our story is all that uncommon. I think we took it a bit farther but I've done a lot of reading on this and I think a lot of couples, even if they aren't in sexless marriages, are not communicating, are holding back, are unintentionally hurting each other and certainly themselves.

Please talk to your wives. Please go to counseling. If only we had started earlier. My only saving grace is that I know going through this is making me a stronger, better person. I can't really say I have regrets, because it was who I was and he who he was. We just need to learn from our mistakes. I have a lot of hope for the future. If he decides he can never be sexual with me again, we will divorce and at least I have a chance of being that woman at the bar a PP described. Like the PP who just wants to touch a woman, I just want a man to look at me with desire again. Make me feel, for a few minutes, that I'm the only woman in the world to him. Like DH did years ago.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that at some point in the future, I will either be in a marriage with a healthier sex life with DH (ideal outcome) or I will be divorced and out of a sexless marriage and have a chance at real intimacy and unselfish love with someone else. I've learned so much and like the PP, think I could make a good partner to someone.  [/quote]

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