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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have any of you said, listen, we need to work on this marriage or end it? It's the passive resentment building on the one side and on the other the checked out spouse thinkng it's status quo that causes divorce. I think a lot of these spouses if told, listen, I made an appt for a counselor or a sex therapist or whatever and we need to work on things or it's done, would wake up and try to improve things. As I understand it, in divorce, the leaver has decided years ago that the situation is done, and the left thinks that they are both at least tolerating the current deal. The left often is jolted into wanting to save the marriage, while the left has been done for years and what may have been seen as depression was grieving leaving the kids for the final year. Take some responsibility and speak up before more time passes. Not asking for sex but saying, this no disconnect on so many levels needs to change. Let's go on a vacation, just us. Then let's try counseling when we are back. That, not sublimating or being a martyr, is acting in the best interests of your kids.[/quote]

[b]As one that was recently jolted in to wanting to save a relationship, it was a real eye opener[/b].  I had to humble myself, set my pride aside, and step up.  DH and I are working on things and they are going well, so far.  But a marriage doesn't fail all on it's own, it takes two to make it work, it takes two to destroy it.  [/quote]

I jolted DW with this one and was at the point, and told her, that I had found a divorce lawyer and was willing to pull the switch.  We are doing a lot better and on my side, have also learned some things about her and myself.  I had checked out a long time before because we became the stereotypical married couple living as roommates.  Looked down the road and saw more of the same coming and enough was enough.  Are we going to wind up with a satisfying marriage that is fullfilling to both partners?  I cannot answer with certainty and for all I know we might find out that it just isn't going to work.  pp, I wish you the best.  It isn't easy whether you are the jolter or joltee.
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