Reply to In-laws being pushy about visiting.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, DH tells them them The Plan. But Also, realize that not all plans end up happening the way you want them to. No matter how hard you want something. Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. For my daughter, I knew delivering could likely be the most serious medical event she had experienced. I sure was going to be near-enough, so that if she wanted my comfort, I would be there. If she didn't that was ok too. I can wait.

Realize how wonderful it it that your family and little one is loved, loved before they even arrive. Don't be so nasty that you don't understand, that their love, is coming from a good place.[/quote]

Just stop it. You keep posting and throwing little digs at the OP. There is nothing nasty about her post. She and her husband politely told her in laws their plan and the in laws  are the ones being nasty [b]trying to ignore and disrespect[/b] their adult children’s wishes. They are not coming from a place of love, they are coming from a place of putting their wants over someone else’s need. This isn’t love, it’s selfishness. [/quote]

Sincere question here on the bolded....is there anything that a person (IL or otherwise) can do that asks questions or offers a compromise that would not be viewed as "disrespecting" wishes and being nasty?

To be clear, I agree that OP was not nasty in her post.  But I really don't understand the POV that anything other than pure acquiesce/acceptance is necessarily disrespect or violating boundaries.  Do you guys never push back or question a choice made by other people in your life?[/quote]

When someone clearly states that I’m not invited somewhere then yes I accept it. Pushing back or seeking a compromise is EXACTLY what being pushy and selfish  means. They’ve told you no, you aren’t owed a compromise of less time than you demanded but more than they offered. Let them be. [/quote]

So how about this (and yes I know I am inventing facts that OP never said.  I am trying to figure out where the line on "pushy and selfish" is for some of you.)

OP/DH:  We are not having anyone over to see the baby for the first two months.  We want to get through the adjustment and limit potential exposure to viruses.

Grandparent:  I see.  How about we come by after you're home for a few days to drop off a lasagna.  We'll wear masks and have a quick ten minute meeting with the baby and then take DC1 off your hands for a few hours and take him/her out to lunch and the park.  We'll wear masks the whole time.  Would that work for you?

Pushy, selfish, boundary violation?[/quote]

NP.  Nope, try reframing a bit and not saying “how about we come by” when you’ve just been told not to.

[b]“Thank you for letting us know. If you get to a place where a meal would be welcome, we’d be happy to drop off a lasagna or something, and we’d be happy to wear masks and stay outside. Or if it would be helpful for us to pick up Larlo and take him to the park, just let us know.”[/b][/quote]

dp What you proposing is too much.  I'm sure you watch everything you say just to make sure you don't offend anyone.  Honestly, you sound exhausting and if I had to walk on eggshells and know that what ever I say is going to be taken so negatively than I would give up and  quietly ghost you.[/quote]

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