Reply to S/O Has demanding sex ever actually worked for anyone?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Reading DCUM makes me want to bow down and kiss my wife's feet. We have sex 1-2 times a week. Touch wood![/quote]

Same. My husband doesn’t feel entitled to my body and thinks it’s disgusting that people think that a spouse not wanting to have sex is a reason to cheat. And we have sex twice a week. Woo hoo! [/quote]

What is a reason to cheat, if not that you can't get enough sex at home (?)[/quote]

Why would interpret my comment as suggesting there is a good reason to cheat at all? [/quote]

So even if a marriage is a good friendship, great for raising kids, good mutual friends, and good for building an estate, you think one should never cheat and just be satisfied with terrible sex?[/quote]

Never cheat, yes. Nobody should ever cheat.

Be satisfied with terrible sex? No. There are sooooo many other options. But most men (sorry don’t take this personally) refuse to work through the situation in any way that requires vulnerability. They just demand, pout, implement bad advice they found online, and then if that doesn’t work, they cheat. And most women often aren’t creative about the situation and see sex as only something a man wants rather than get in touch with their own sexuality (or, yes, even research non monogamous alternatives).

I have read the trauma people experience from being cheated on and the idea that somebody could seriously contemplating putting anybody, much their spouse, through that is wild to me. Women go from feeling like they are on top of the world to having zero self esteem and PTSD. There is no excuse for putting somebody through that, even if you want to go the childish route and claim “but they started it.”[/quote]

I'm the wife. See my post at 8:56 am today for more details. I believe my options are: self satisfaction, cheat or divorce. Do you have any comment?[/quote]

Look, I don’t know if you are actually asking me for advice or just to have a gotcha moment to make me admit that there are occasions to cheat. If you want actual advice, I’m not a sex therapist or an expert in sex, but I will say that those three options are not your only ones (although I am all for self-satisfaction and I think divorce has too high of a stigma).

Your situation sucks, I will 100% give you that. But it seems like even more than the issue of sex is that your husband has too many hang ups to actually care about you as much as he should. Some people are so stuck in themselves that they cannot connect to others. Does that play out in other aspects of your marriage? Seems like he needs therapy, for sure, but obviously you cannot make him do that.

But whatever you do, it is my opinion that it should never involve cheating. Usually people cheat because they are avoiding something difficult, like maybe in your case having a conversation about non monogamy or going to therapy or your needs. But obviously I am just some random internet commenter with strong feelings about how one treats other people and you are under no obligation to care about my opinion.   [/quote]

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