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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^ that is a huge violation of your personal health.  To not know and then find out you have not been in a monogamous marriage is horrifying.  You can’t wash away the dirty feeling.  That’s why pps said it feels like rape.[/quote]

I still feel being raped. He was coming back from business trips, and would request my oral on him, literally next day after he slept with her. I found text messages on his cell phone where she writes "lost the key to your floor" and it was the morning of the same day he slept with me. She was with him in Vienna in the morning, and my son and I flew there in the evening. He just switched hotels.

I literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed. [/quote]

Thank you for saying this. I have no one to talk to about what he did to me. the day after I found out, i woke up feeling as though I’d been raped and violated. I have been suppressing that for the last few months but reading your words at least made me feel like I’m not crazy for feeling that way. I’m not so alone. He cheated on me for five years. AP threatened him, and then me and my kids. He had to get a restraining order bc she was so violent and threatening. That was the first few months after I found out. [/quote]
Omg, that’s so scary! I’m really sorry. Bringing an unstable, violent person into your lives is a whole other level of betrayal; his choices threatened his family’s safety.

It’s so hard as you peel back the layers of lies and omissions because every so often, new thoughts pop into your head that rip the scab off again and it feels like a new, fresh betrayal when you have yet another new suspicion confirmed. Did he spend money on her? Was he in her home? Did he meet her friends and family? Did they say “I love you” to each other? Did he talk to her about our marriage when he wasn’t willing to talk to me about it? Does she know about our children? And in regards to worrying about STIs, who else was she sleeping with at the time? It just goes on and on. It’s death by one deep stab wound plus a thousand cuts.

I found out when he flew to Vegas to attend a Caps playoff game with her. On Memorial Day. When I had just gotten some devastating news and needed support. The Caps ended up winning the Stanley Cup a few weeks later. I had to hear about it ad nauseam because all of DC was so excited. Almost three years out, he still feels great about the championship. Meanwhile, I get tense whenever I have to hear about the Capitals and the playoffs.[/quote]

Dp.  I’ve been following and relate to the devastating trauma all the pps describe.  Yes—-the endless questions.  I have new ones pop up constantly.  I’m a year out from discovery of a 4-year affair that he already ended and I felt so violated when I found out she knew the names of my kids my children!!!), their ages and had seen photos—where they go to school, etc.  She also saw photos of me and stalked me (and our friends!!!) on the Internet i later learned.  [b]That is when he realized she was getting out of control and planned to leave her husband[/b].

I am an extremely, extremely private person so to learn some freaky woman knew things about my family was horrifying in addition to the personal violation I felt.[/quote]

They were in a four-year relationship!  Filled with mutual "I love you"s I'm sure.  No woman sticks around for 4 years for just sex.  Either he loved her too or he lied to her and made her feel like he did.  Either way, your husband was at least equally "out of control" and I hope you haven't let him off the hook by vilifying her.[/quote]

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