Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ that is a huge violation of your personal health. To not know and then find out you have not been in a monogamous marriage is horrifying. You can’t wash away the dirty feeling. That’s why pps said it feels like rape.

I still feel being raped. He was coming back from business trips, and would request my oral on him, literally next day after he slept with her. I found text messages on his cell phone where she writes "lost the key to your floor" and it was the morning of the same day he slept with me. She was with him in Vienna in the morning, and my son and I flew there in the evening. He just switched hotels.

I literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed.

Thank you for saying this. I have no one to talk to about what he did to me. the day after I found out, i woke up feeling as though I’d been raped and violated. I have been suppressing that for the last few months but reading your words at least made me feel like I’m not crazy for feeling that way. I’m not so alone. He cheated on me for five years. AP threatened him, and then me and my kids. He had to get a restraining order bc she was so violent and threatening. That was the first few months after I found out.

Omg, that’s so scary! I’m really sorry. Bringing an unstable, violent person into your lives is a whole other level of betrayal; his choices threatened his family’s safety.

It’s so hard as you peel back the layers of lies and omissions because every so often, new thoughts pop into your head that rip the scab off again and it feels like a new, fresh betrayal when you have yet another new suspicion confirmed. Did he spend money on her? Was he in her home? Did he meet her friends and family? Did they say “I love you” to each other? Did he talk to her about our marriage when he wasn’t willing to talk to me about it? Does she know about our children? And in regards to worrying about STIs, who else was she sleeping with at the time? It just goes on and on. It’s death by one deep stab wound plus a thousand cuts.

I found out when he flew to Vegas to attend a Caps playoff game with her. On Memorial Day. When I had just gotten some devastating news and needed support. The Caps ended up winning the Stanley Cup a few weeks later. I had to hear about it ad nauseam because all of DC was so excited. Almost three years out, he still feels great about the championship. Meanwhile, I get tense whenever I have to hear about the Capitals and the playoffs.

Dp. I’ve been following and relate to the devastating trauma all the pps describe. Yes—-the endless questions. I have new ones pop up constantly. I’m a year out from discovery of a 4-year affair that he already ended and I felt so violated when I found out she knew the names of my kids my children!!!), their ages and had seen photos—where they go to school, etc. She also saw photos of me and stalked me (and our friends!!!) on the Internet i later learned. That is when he realized she was getting out of control and planned to leave her husband.

I am an extremely, extremely private person so to learn some freaky woman knew things about my family was horrifying in addition to the personal violation I felt.

They were in a four-year relationship! Filled with mutual "I love you"s I'm sure. No woman sticks around for 4 years for just sex. Either he loved her too or he lied to her and made her feel like he did. Either way, your husband was at least equally "out of control" and I hope you haven't let him off the hook by vilifying her.

Women can’t understand the male mind. If he was banging her once a month to every 6 weeks on a nooner lunch hour that’s sex, not a relationship. Men will say anything to keep sex going. I had a no-strings thing for 5 years. Women get the feels and lie about wanting more. If he ended it even before discovery doubtful he felt the same.

There are a few women that think like men with no-strings but they are few and far between. I’ve learned
to get out after 6months, definitely before a year. They always push for more.

You have to lead them on just enough to keep the sex coming. They settle for surprisingly little.

Desperados don’t need much flattery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ that is a huge violation of your personal health. To not know and then find out you have not been in a monogamous marriage is horrifying. You can’t wash away the dirty feeling. That’s why pps said it feels like rape.

I still feel being raped. He was coming back from business trips, and would request my oral on him, literally next day after he slept with her. I found text messages on his cell phone where she writes "lost the key to your floor" and it was the morning of the same day he slept with me. She was with him in Vienna in the morning, and my son and I flew there in the evening. He just switched hotels.

I literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed.

Thank you for saying this. I have no one to talk to about what he did to me. the day after I found out, i woke up feeling as though I’d been raped and violated. I have been suppressing that for the last few months but reading your words at least made me feel like I’m not crazy for feeling that way. I’m not so alone. He cheated on me for five years. AP threatened him, and then me and my kids. He had to get a restraining order bc she was so violent and threatening. That was the first few months after I found out.

Omg, that’s so scary! I’m really sorry. Bringing an unstable, violent person into your lives is a whole other level of betrayal; his choices threatened his family’s safety.

It’s so hard as you peel back the layers of lies and omissions because every so often, new thoughts pop into your head that rip the scab off again and it feels like a new, fresh betrayal when you have yet another new suspicion confirmed. Did he spend money on her? Was he in her home? Did he meet her friends and family? Did they say “I love you” to each other? Did he talk to her about our marriage when he wasn’t willing to talk to me about it? Does she know about our children? And in regards to worrying about STIs, who else was she sleeping with at the time? It just goes on and on. It’s death by one deep stab wound plus a thousand cuts.

I found out when he flew to Vegas to attend a Caps playoff game with her. On Memorial Day. When I had just gotten some devastating news and needed support. The Caps ended up winning the Stanley Cup a few weeks later. I had to hear about it ad nauseam because all of DC was so excited. Almost three years out, he still feels great about the championship. Meanwhile, I get tense whenever I have to hear about the Capitals and the playoffs.

Dp. I’ve been following and relate to the devastating trauma all the pps describe. Yes—-the endless questions. I have new ones pop up constantly. I’m a year out from discovery of a 4-year affair that he already ended and I felt so violated when I found out she knew the names of my kids my children!!!), their ages and had seen photos—where they go to school, etc. She also saw photos of me and stalked me (and our friends!!!) on the Internet i later learned. That is when he realized she was getting out of control and planned to leave her husband.

I am an extremely, extremely private person so to learn some freaky woman knew things about my family was horrifying in addition to the personal violation I felt.

They were in a four-year relationship! Filled with mutual "I love you"s I'm sure. No woman sticks around for 4 years for just sex. Either he loved her too or he lied to her and made her feel like he did. Either way, your husband was at least equally "out of control" and I hope you haven't let him off the hook by vilifying her.

Women can’t understand the male mind. If he was banging her once a month to every 6 weeks on a nooner lunch hour that’s sex, not a relationship. Men will say anything to keep sex going. I had a no-strings thing for 5 years. Women get the feels and lie about wanting more. If he ended it even before discovery doubtful he felt the same.

There are a few women that think like men with no-strings but they are few and far between. I’ve learned to get out after 6months, definitely before a year. They always push for more.

Way to skim over the OW was stalking the wife, children and friends there. If she’s resorting to that she’s insecure in the arrangement. Sounds like Fatal Attraction. “I won’t be ignored, Dan”

If she’s married too what are her options? Start over with a brand new Internet guy? That takes work. Better to try and keep this one especially if he’s got $$$$.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible shock after discovery of a 5-year hidden affair. Couldn't function at all and was an emotional mess for the first 6 months. I still can't talk to him, and we live separated in the same house only emailing or texting on what relates to our son.
But I was able to dig myself out by 1) excluding all recreational alcohol - I noticed that red wine makes me terribly sad, if I am already sad and I couldn't sleep after drinking when I was so depressed 2) looking for a job and attending online classes. It's very difficult to concentrate, but the more effort I made, the better it was getting. I've had many unsuccessful interviews, especially in the beginning, but even those made me feel more in-demand, professional, talking with smart people. It was helping me to re-focus on something new.

Almost a year as I found out, and we are not divorced. I just calmly hate my exH, I consider him an abusive mental and physical rapist (because the affairs are a form of rape). But I can fully function and work on my future.

What does this mean?

NP. Affairs are a form of rape because most people in a marriage are consenting to sex on the basis of monogamy. Sex by fraud or sex without informed consent is rape. Much like marital rape used to be, it is, at present, a form of non-prosecutable rape, but it is rape, nonetheless.

I can’t wait for this to become law. It is time. You rape someone, you are arrested and jailed maybe fined. Bet men would be honest then. Probably never commit if they couldn’t. Which is fine, it would cull the herd of the faithful and loyal, and send all the nasty poisonous snakes slithering to the same pit in the underground of society where they can lie and snake bite each other to their non existing heart’s content.

That is all.

There have been a few cases where the cheaters were sued and spouse was awarded $ in civil suit.

I truly think it’s criminal to expose a spouse somebody to potential diseases, some deadly, without their knowledge.

Criminal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ that is a huge violation of your personal health. To not know and then find out you have not been in a monogamous marriage is horrifying. You can’t wash away the dirty feeling. That’s why pps said it feels like rape.

I still feel being raped. He was coming back from business trips, and would request my oral on him, literally next day after he slept with her. I found text messages on his cell phone where she writes "lost the key to your floor" and it was the morning of the same day he slept with me. She was with him in Vienna in the morning, and my son and I flew there in the evening. He just switched hotels.

I literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed.

Thank you for saying this. I have no one to talk to about what he did to me. the day after I found out, i woke up feeling as though I’d been raped and violated. I have been suppressing that for the last few months but reading your words at least made me feel like I’m not crazy for feeling that way. I’m not so alone. He cheated on me for five years. AP threatened him, and then me and my kids. He had to get a restraining order bc she was so violent and threatening. That was the first few months after I found out.

Omg, that’s so scary! I’m really sorry. Bringing an unstable, violent person into your lives is a whole other level of betrayal; his choices threatened his family’s safety.

It’s so hard as you peel back the layers of lies and omissions because every so often, new thoughts pop into your head that rip the scab off again and it feels like a new, fresh betrayal when you have yet another new suspicion confirmed. Did he spend money on her? Was he in her home? Did he meet her friends and family? Did they say “I love you” to each other? Did he talk to her about our marriage when he wasn’t willing to talk to me about it? Does she know about our children? And in regards to worrying about STIs, who else was she sleeping with at the time? It just goes on and on. It’s death by one deep stab wound plus a thousand cuts.

I found out when he flew to Vegas to attend a Caps playoff game with her. On Memorial Day. When I had just gotten some devastating news and needed support. The Caps ended up winning the Stanley Cup a few weeks later. I had to hear about it ad nauseam because all of DC was so excited. Almost three years out, he still feels great about the championship. Meanwhile, I get tense whenever I have to hear about the Capitals and the playoffs.

Dp. I’ve been following and relate to the devastating trauma all the pps describe. Yes—-the endless questions. I have new ones pop up constantly. I’m a year out from discovery of a 4-year affair that he already ended and I felt so violated when I found out she knew the names of my kids my children!!!), their ages and had seen photos—where they go to school, etc. She also saw photos of me and stalked me (and our friends!!!) on the Internet i later learned. That is when he realized she was getting out of control and planned to leave her husband.

I am an extremely, extremely private person so to learn some freaky woman knew things about my family was horrifying in addition to the personal violation I felt.

They were in a four-year relationship! Filled with mutual "I love you"s I'm sure. No woman sticks around for 4 years for just sex. Either he loved her too or he lied to her and made her feel like he did. Either way, your husband was at least equally "out of control" and I hope you haven't let him off the hook by vilifying her.

Women can’t understand the male mind. If he was banging her once a month to every 6 weeks on a nooner lunch hour that’s sex, not a relationship. Men will say anything to keep sex going. I had a no-strings thing for 5 years. Women get the feels and lie about wanting more. If he ended it even before discovery doubtful he felt the same.

There are a few women that think like men with no-strings but they are few and far between. I’ve learned
to get out after 6months, definitely before a year. They always push for more.

You have to lead them on just enough to keep the sex coming. They settle for surprisingly little.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ that is a huge violation of your personal health. To not know and then find out you have not been in a monogamous marriage is horrifying. You can’t wash away the dirty feeling. That’s why pps said it feels like rape.

I still feel being raped. He was coming back from business trips, and would request my oral on him, literally next day after he slept with her. I found text messages on his cell phone where she writes "lost the key to your floor" and it was the morning of the same day he slept with me. She was with him in Vienna in the morning, and my son and I flew there in the evening. He just switched hotels.

I literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed.

Thank you for saying this. I have no one to talk to about what he did to me. the day after I found out, i woke up feeling as though I’d been raped and violated. I have been suppressing that for the last few months but reading your words at least made me feel like I’m not crazy for feeling that way. I’m not so alone. He cheated on me for five years. AP threatened him, and then me and my kids. He had to get a restraining order bc she was so violent and threatening. That was the first few months after I found out.

Omg, that’s so scary! I’m really sorry. Bringing an unstable, violent person into your lives is a whole other level of betrayal; his choices threatened his family’s safety.

It’s so hard as you peel back the layers of lies and omissions because every so often, new thoughts pop into your head that rip the scab off again and it feels like a new, fresh betrayal when you have yet another new suspicion confirmed. Did he spend money on her? Was he in her home? Did he meet her friends and family? Did they say “I love you” to each other? Did he talk to her about our marriage when he wasn’t willing to talk to me about it? Does she know about our children? And in regards to worrying about STIs, who else was she sleeping with at the time? It just goes on and on. It’s death by one deep stab wound plus a thousand cuts.

I found out when he flew to Vegas to attend a Caps playoff game with her. On Memorial Day. When I had just gotten some devastating news and needed support. The Caps ended up winning the Stanley Cup a few weeks later. I had to hear about it ad nauseam because all of DC was so excited. Almost three years out, he still feels great about the championship. Meanwhile, I get tense whenever I have to hear about the Capitals and the playoffs.

Dp. I’ve been following and relate to the devastating trauma all the pps describe. Yes—-the endless questions. I have new ones pop up constantly. I’m a year out from discovery of a 4-year affair that he already ended and I felt so violated when I found out she knew the names of my kids my children!!!), their ages and had seen photos—where they go to school, etc. She also saw photos of me and stalked me (and our friends!!!) on the Internet i later learned. That is when he realized she was getting out of control and planned to leave her husband.

I am an extremely, extremely private person so to learn some freaky woman knew things about my family was horrifying in addition to the personal violation I felt.

They were in a four-year relationship! Filled with mutual "I love you"s I'm sure. No woman sticks around for 4 years for just sex. Either he loved her too or he lied to her and made her feel like he did. Either way, your husband was at least equally "out of control" and I hope you haven't let him off the hook by vilifying her.

Women can’t understand the male mind. If he was banging her once a month to every 6 weeks on a nooner lunch hour that’s sex, not a relationship. Men will say anything to keep sex going. I had a no-strings thing for 5 years. Women get the feels and lie about wanting more. If he ended it even before discovery doubtful he felt the same.

There are a few women that think like men with no-strings but they are few and far between. I’ve learned to get out after 6months, definitely before a year. They always push for more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ that is a huge violation of your personal health. To not know and then find out you have not been in a monogamous marriage is horrifying. You can’t wash away the dirty feeling. That’s why pps said it feels like rape.

I still feel being raped. He was coming back from business trips, and would request my oral on him, literally next day after he slept with her. I found text messages on his cell phone where she writes "lost the key to your floor" and it was the morning of the same day he slept with me. She was with him in Vienna in the morning, and my son and I flew there in the evening. He just switched hotels.

I literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed.

Thank you for saying this. I have no one to talk to about what he did to me. the day after I found out, i woke up feeling as though I’d been raped and violated. I have been suppressing that for the last few months but reading your words at least made me feel like I’m not crazy for feeling that way. I’m not so alone. He cheated on me for five years. AP threatened him, and then me and my kids. He had to get a restraining order bc she was so violent and threatening. That was the first few months after I found out.

Omg, that’s so scary! I’m really sorry. Bringing an unstable, violent person into your lives is a whole other level of betrayal; his choices threatened his family’s safety.

It’s so hard as you peel back the layers of lies and omissions because every so often, new thoughts pop into your head that rip the scab off again and it feels like a new, fresh betrayal when you have yet another new suspicion confirmed. Did he spend money on her? Was he in her home? Did he meet her friends and family? Did they say “I love you” to each other? Did he talk to her about our marriage when he wasn’t willing to talk to me about it? Does she know about our children? And in regards to worrying about STIs, who else was she sleeping with at the time? It just goes on and on. It’s death by one deep stab wound plus a thousand cuts.

I found out when he flew to Vegas to attend a Caps playoff game with her. On Memorial Day. When I had just gotten some devastating news and needed support. The Caps ended up winning the Stanley Cup a few weeks later. I had to hear about it ad nauseam because all of DC was so excited. Almost three years out, he still feels great about the championship. Meanwhile, I get tense whenever I have to hear about the Capitals and the playoffs.

Dp. I’ve been following and relate to the devastating trauma all the pps describe. Yes—-the endless questions. I have new ones pop up constantly. I’m a year out from discovery of a 4-year affair that he already ended and I felt so violated when I found out she knew the names of my kids my children!!!), their ages and had seen photos—where they go to school, etc. She also saw photos of me and stalked me (and our friends!!!) on the Internet i later learned. That is when he realized she was getting out of control and planned to leave her husband.

I am an extremely, extremely private person so to learn some freaky woman knew things about my family was horrifying in addition to the personal violation I felt.

They were in a four-year relationship! Filled with mutual "I love you"s I'm sure. No woman sticks around for 4 years for just sex. Either he loved her too or he lied to her and made her feel like he did. Either way, your husband was at least equally "out of control" and I hope you haven't let him off the hook by vilifying her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible shock after discovery of a 5-year hidden affair. Couldn't function at all and was an emotional mess for the first 6 months. I still can't talk to him, and we live separated in the same house only emailing or texting on what relates to our son.
But I was able to dig myself out by 1) excluding all recreational alcohol - I noticed that red wine makes me terribly sad, if I am already sad and I couldn't sleep after drinking when I was so depressed 2) looking for a job and attending online classes. It's very difficult to concentrate, but the more effort I made, the better it was getting. I've had many unsuccessful interviews, especially in the beginning, but even those made me feel more in-demand, professional, talking with smart people. It was helping me to re-focus on something new.

Almost a year as I found out, and we are not divorced. I just calmly hate my exH, I consider him an abusive mental and physical rapist (because the affairs are a form of rape). But I can fully function and work on my future.

What does this mean?

NP. Affairs are a form of rape because most people in a marriage are consenting to sex on the basis of monogamy. Sex by fraud or sex without informed consent is rape. Much like marital rape used to be, it is, at present, a form of non-prosecutable rape, but it is rape, nonetheless.

I can’t wait for this to become law. It is time. You rape someone, you are arrested and jailed maybe fined. Bet men would be honest then. Probably never commit if they couldn’t. Which is fine, it would cull the herd of the faithful and loyal, and send all the nasty poisonous snakes slithering to the same pit in the underground of society where they can lie and snake bite each other to their non existing heart’s content.

That is all.

I know an annulment in a catholic church can be granted for fraud. Can you get an annulment from cheating based on fraud?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible shock after discovery of a 5-year hidden affair. Couldn't function at all and was an emotional mess for the first 6 months. I still can't talk to him, and we live separated in the same house only emailing or texting on what relates to our son.
But I was able to dig myself out by 1) excluding all recreational alcohol - I noticed that red wine makes me terribly sad, if I am already sad and I couldn't sleep after drinking when I was so depressed 2) looking for a job and attending online classes. It's very difficult to concentrate, but the more effort I made, the better it was getting. I've had many unsuccessful interviews, especially in the beginning, but even those made me feel more in-demand, professional, talking with smart people. It was helping me to re-focus on something new.

Almost a year as I found out, and we are not divorced. I just calmly hate my exH, I consider him an abusive mental and physical rapist (because the affairs are a form of rape). But I can fully function and work on my future.

What does this mean?

NP. Affairs are a form of rape because most people in a marriage are consenting to sex on the basis of monogamy. Sex by fraud or sex without informed consent is rape. Much like marital rape used to be, it is, at present, a form of non-prosecutable rape, but it is rape, nonetheless.

I can’t wait for this to become law. It is time. You rape someone, you are arrested and jailed maybe fined. Bet men would be honest then. Probably never commit if they couldn’t. Which is fine, it would cull the herd of the faithful and loyal, and send all the nasty poisonous snakes slithering to the same pit in the underground of society where they can lie and snake bite each other to their non existing heart’s content.

That is all.

+1

I’m fine with them wearing a giant scarlet letter (both sexes), but this is even better.

They can rot for eternity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible shock after discovery of a 5-year hidden affair. Couldn't function at all and was an emotional mess for the first 6 months. I still can't talk to him, and we live separated in the same house only emailing or texting on what relates to our son.
But I was able to dig myself out by 1) excluding all recreational alcohol - I noticed that red wine makes me terribly sad, if I am already sad and I couldn't sleep after drinking when I was so depressed 2) looking for a job and attending online classes. It's very difficult to concentrate, but the more effort I made, the better it was getting. I've had many unsuccessful interviews, especially in the beginning, but even those made me feel more in-demand, professional, talking with smart people. It was helping me to re-focus on something new.

Almost a year as I found out, and we are not divorced. I just calmly hate my exH, I consider him an abusive mental and physical rapist (because the affairs are a form of rape). But I can fully function and work on my future.

What does this mean?

NP. Affairs are a form of rape because most people in a marriage are consenting to sex on the basis of monogamy. Sex by fraud or sex without informed consent is rape. Much like marital rape used to be, it is, at present, a form of non-prosecutable rape, but it is rape, nonetheless.

I can’t wait for this to become law. It is time. You rape someone, you are arrested and jailed maybe fined. Bet men would be honest then. Probably never commit if they couldn’t. Which is fine, it would cull the herd of the faithful and loyal, and send all the nasty poisonous snakes slithering to the same pit in the underground of society where they can lie and snake bite each other to their non existing heart’s content.

That is all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ that is a huge violation of your personal health. To not know and then find out you have not been in a monogamous marriage is horrifying. You can’t wash away the dirty feeling. That’s why pps said it feels like rape.

I still feel being raped. He was coming back from business trips, and would request my oral on him, literally next day after he slept with her. I found text messages on his cell phone where she writes "lost the key to your floor" and it was the morning of the same day he slept with me. She was with him in Vienna in the morning, and my son and I flew there in the evening. He just switched hotels.

I literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed.

Thank you for saying this. I have no one to talk to about what he did to me. the day after I found out, i woke up feeling as though I’d been raped and violated. I have been suppressing that for the last few months but reading your words at least made me feel like I’m not crazy for feeling that way. I’m not so alone. He cheated on me for five years. AP threatened him, and then me and my kids. He had to get a restraining order bc she was so violent and threatening. That was the first few months after I found out.

Omg, that’s so scary! I’m really sorry. Bringing an unstable, violent person into your lives is a whole other level of betrayal; his choices threatened his family’s safety.

It’s so hard as you peel back the layers of lies and omissions because every so often, new thoughts pop into your head that rip the scab off again and it feels like a new, fresh betrayal when you have yet another new suspicion confirmed. Did he spend money on her? Was he in her home? Did he meet her friends and family? Did they say “I love you” to each other? Did he talk to her about our marriage when he wasn’t willing to talk to me about it? Does she know about our children? And in regards to worrying about STIs, who else was she sleeping with at the time? It just goes on and on. It’s death by one deep stab wound plus a thousand cuts.

I found out when he flew to Vegas to attend a Caps playoff game with her. On Memorial Day. When I had just gotten some devastating news and needed support. The Caps ended up winning the Stanley Cup a few weeks later. I had to hear about it ad nauseam because all of DC was so excited. Almost three years out, he still feels great about the championship. Meanwhile, I get tense whenever I have to hear about the Capitals and the playoffs.

Dp. I’ve been following and relate to the devastating trauma all the pps describe. Yes—-the endless questions. I have new ones pop up constantly. I’m a year out from discovery of a 4-year affair that he already ended and I felt so violated when I found out she knew the names of my kids my children!!!), their ages and had seen photos—where they go to school, etc. She also saw photos of me and stalked me (and our friends!!!) on the Internet i later learned. That is when he realized she was getting out of control and planned to leave her husband.

I am an extremely, extremely private person so to learn some freaky woman knew things about my family was horrifying in addition to the personal violation I felt.

Anonymous wrote:Cheaters don’t want to hear any of this.

Who GAFF what they want? It’s not about them. Their needs are meaningless and irrelevant and barely even worthy of a reply to this random consideration.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck, PP. I am similar to you but have a demanding career. No one knew that this happened and all I could do was keep working. I actually switched jobs A few months after I found out. In some ways, my job was so hard - all the meetings and stress and people leaning on me for their work woes. But in other ways, it gave me hours in the day that I had no time to feel the raw pain of what dh had done to me. I wish you luck in your job search!

I wish I had a career, a job! I think I would be flying from happiness that he's gone, if I had a career and stability of my own. He persuaded me to leave my legal job 10 years ago, promising bright future and happy retirement. And then he began an affair.

I am so, so sorry, PP. I am a woman in a male dominated field and this is all too common a story. They get all the great benefits of a SAHM but shit all over them at the office and cheat constantly, particularly when traveling. Dogs. Go to the career forum and check out the threads on re-entering the workforce after many years out, if that is indeed what you might want to do. It is inspiring! Your future might look different than what your husband promised you, but your story is not over. It might be better than you ever anticipated.

This.

One thing I can say. The experience of being betrayed, and cutting all ties and moving on without resentment or hatred? It kept my heart open to love. It helped me differentiate with good character and made me discerning. My healing process qualified me in immeasurable ways. Don’t let this break you. Just break from his abuse and deathly spiral of deceit and confusion. Hold true to the real uou, somewhere there. This is not your fault. I felt humiliated too when I found out.

Now? If I hadn’t been through that horrifying experience I would not have been in the place and time I’m in now to have abundance of so many incredible things (career, wealth, health, friends and their success, healing, reaching others, and meeting someone who is steadfast and loyal, that is truly romantic and wants to share his heart with making communities better but his love with me? I could cry in gratitude. I could not have written this story if I tried.

You have to let go of the pain to receive the joy. Don’t let him ruin you forever by keeping that pain. You are stronger if you let it go. And you know what? God loves us, it does r even take long! The man I met 5 years ago who wouldn’t date me because my divorce wasn’t final? He is more beautiful than he was before, and so unexpected, we both met again with more education, more money, warmer hearts from managing tragedy the same. Even if this is just temporary for now, the fact that I can have gratitude is a gift.

Don’t let that nasty man steal your joy!! YOU DESERVE JOY. Don’t be afraid to believe. It is hard work, but it is worth it. You will always be better for it if you see it through and grace and love will carry you if you ask it to. Wisdom will guide you if you seek it and prioritize it’s application in your life.

My prayer is that the pain of your past is overcome, and it qualifies you for immeasurable and unstoppable sincere joy and blessing in so much abundance others have it just by being in your presence.

You’re strong, beautiful, kind, loving, and GOOD. You did nothing wrong by trusting and being honest. Your judgment isn’t off, you weren’t stupid.

He was a lie. Like the devil — nothing but a liar and a thief!!

Cry, yell, seethe — and when the time comes — let that pain go. If you hold on to it, he wins.

And we know he is a loser, so it would be a wasted score of a battle to still lose the war.


Much life and much love to you, sis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ that is a huge violation of your personal health. To not know and then find out you have not been in a monogamous marriage is horrifying. You can’t wash away the dirty feeling. That’s why pps said it feels like rape.

I still feel being raped. He was coming back from business trips, and would request my oral on him, literally next day after he slept with her. I found text messages on his cell phone where she writes "lost the key to your floor" and it was the morning of the same day he slept with me. She was with him in Vienna in the morning, and my son and I flew there in the evening. He just switched hotels.

I literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed.

Thank you for saying this. I have no one to talk to about what he did to me. the day after I found out, i woke up feeling as though I’d been raped and violated. I have been suppressing that for the last few months but reading your words at least made me feel like I’m not crazy for feeling that way. I’m not so alone. He cheated on me for five years. AP threatened him, and then me and my kids. He had to get a restraining order bc she was so violent and threatening. That was the first few months after I found out.

Omg, that’s so scary! I’m really sorry. Bringing an unstable, violent person into your lives is a whole other level of betrayal; his choices threatened his family’s safety.

It’s so hard as you peel back the layers of lies and omissions because every so often, new thoughts pop into your head that rip the scab off again and it feels like a new, fresh betrayal when you have yet another new suspicion confirmed. Did he spend money on her? Was he in her home? Did he meet her friends and family? Did they say “I love you” to each other? Did he talk to her about our marriage when he wasn’t willing to talk to me about it? Does she know about our children? And in regards to worrying about STIs, who else was she sleeping with at the time? It just goes on and on. It’s death by one deep stab wound plus a thousand cuts.

I found out when he flew to Vegas to attend a Caps playoff game with her. On Memorial Day. When I had just gotten some devastating news and needed support. The Caps ended up winning the Stanley Cup a few weeks later. I had to hear about it ad nauseam because all of DC was so excited. Almost three years out, he still feels great about the championship. Meanwhile, I get tense whenever I have to hear about the Capitals and the playoffs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ that is a huge violation of your personal health. To not know and then find out you have not been in a monogamous marriage is horrifying. You can’t wash away the dirty feeling. That’s why pps said it feels like rape.

I still feel being raped. He was coming back from business trips, and would request my oral on him, literally next day after he slept with her. I found text messages on his cell phone where she writes "lost the key to your floor" and it was the morning of the same day he slept with me. She was with him in Vienna in the morning, and my son and I flew there in the evening. He just switched hotels.

I literally was throwing up when I found out. I feel I was raped for many years, because if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wouldn't be sleeping with him! He took my sexual choices from me, and basically had sex with me without me being fully informed.

I’m so sorry, PP. I pray you find healing and recovery from rhis trauma, and someqherw there is a rainbow in all of this, somehow. I know it is impossible to think of anything good, and the violation is just stomach turning. I’m so sorry. May light find a way to guard and keep you as you untangle the knots.

Yes - he sounds so selfish and narcissistic.