Reply to Coming to terms with your teen being unmotivated and unimpressive?

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[quote=Anonymous]I would ask yourself what he was like when he was very young. If he used to be super engaged and the sort of kid who always asked interesting questions, was busy "doing", thought deeply and wanted to "know more" than I would be very concerned. If he always seemed like a very "average" laidback, non competitive, not that curious person then maybe that's the way he is? Has he ever been tested for IQ, etc? Not saying you should if he hasn't but maybe he is just an average kid with no real strong interest in things beyond consuming what others do. I don't mean this rudely. My SIL is like this and I think always has been, based on my husbands memory, although she got decent grades and is a very nice person she was never the "star" at anything, she doesn't have that many interests beyond hanging out with friends and her family(her job is one that is not that intellectually stimulating but pays the bills), she has no "calling" or strong desire to create anything. She doesn't even like to cook. She is who she is and she found a husband who likes to "do" while she watches. They seem suited for each other. 
I'm not like that and for years I thought she was very lame, frankly. But I've matured over time and come to "each their own" and BTW she seems happy enough. I've known her for over 20 years. Since she was 19.
I should add that her parents never put any pressure on her to "succeed". Neither did mine, but I have a number of innate "talents" and would feel profoundly unhappy if I never did anything creative and lived a life like my SIL. My husband also has an innate drive to do things and has been very successful in an entirely different field than I am.

This is a long way of saying that maybe after making sure nothing is going on physically with him,(important! especially is this is new behavior over the past couple years) you could just accept the possibility that he is an average person like most people out there and will just work in an office with a job someday that pays the bills, nothing "impressive", hopefully finds a partner who loves him and he loves back, and you can enjoy his company as a family doing things for fun you all in enjoy as life goes on? If he is just average you should just focus on having a loving relationship with him and accept him as he is. Who knows maybe he will surprise you later in life? Especially if he feels not judged now -- he may be less afraid to put himself out there later in life if the impulse strikes him![/quote]

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