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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Your wife is doing your whole family a favor, OP.

The level of dementia your mom has is unlikely to be handled well with check ins. It will get worse. You and your sister and dad want to pretend otherwise. All of you need to come up with a long term plan NOW while you have a little bit of time. You need to look into nursing homes or adult daycare centers, something. It sounds like you, your sister and your dad want to stick your heads in the sand and pretend that if you “pitch in” everything would be okay. It’s not.

All of you need to wake up. [/quote]

+1. This family is enabling and denial all the way down--except the wife.

OP, your dad is in denial about how impaired your mom is and how much help they need. Your sister is in denial about what she owes to whom (which isn't surprising because shutting off her perception of that is probably how she managed to stay married to your alcoholic BIL).

You have a choice here about whether you ask your wife to join this denial and the enabling that results in it, or whether you will accept her reasonable boundary for the health of your nuclear family--the one you formed with her by choice. Make the right choice.

If I were your wife, I'd be willing to state my objections and then set them aside pay for this for a month to get your mom used to the caregiver who comes in. Whatever needs to be done to get her cooperative with that caregiver would have to be done in that time. It is WAY too much strain on everyone else in your household, probably including your kids, otherwise. [/quote]

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