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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^+100

A cheater I know said AP started using “love” and he would answer “me too”.  He said he would say it to keep the arrangement going.  He wanted to have his cake and eat it too, but never had deep level feelings for AP.  He deeply loved his wife and kids and ended up losing them when wife found out.  Lost an entire life and family for some middle-aged, close to menopause p@ssy and be admittedly says “not that great sex anyways.”  Pathetic sad story and he is miserable now.  Wife, btw, is thriving.  He never thought he would get caught and I think he banked on his wife never leaving him.  His wife was hilarious, attractive, successful and I know they had a wild sex life in their marriage, threesomes, etc pre-kids.[/quote]

EVERYBODY had (... past tense... your verb) a good sex live [u]pre-kids[/u].... what is the point in even making that statement? And how is that relevant to the standard marriage trajectory where she lost interest so he found it elsewhere? Nothing said about this breakup. What are you talking about "losing his kids" are you saying he did not want the standard 50/50 custody that every father is granted? Their marriage ended back when his wife lost interest (before he sought an AP).He lost a room mate, not a wife. Good for him![/quote]

Because you do everything to work on the marriage.  People do not understand marriage.  There are different phases.  You don’t take the easy way out and run out and have affairs at the mid-way point.  You get help.  You go to therapy.  You communicate.  You build a plan to get back on track.  Ask people that have been married a long, long time.  Read Michelle Obama’s book about the severe trouble they had in their marriage after the kids were born—for years.  They did intensive counseling and got back on track.

I was lucky.  Driving home from my wedding dress fitting my mom and sister spoke about how there will be times in the marriage I will hate my spouse.  I will not even want to look at him.  That this is normal.  It passes and you grow stronger together.  My parents have been married 55 years and I never noticed these periods in their marriage, but my mom said they were there.  They always seemed happy.  You should not expect a fairy tale and not continually put time and effort into a long marriage.  Or you can just live a single life of repetitive short affairs never experiencing true intimacy.

I remember being in a total infatuated love cloud when they were telling me this and looking to my bridesmaid in the back seat and thinking “wtf?!”.  I also cavalierly thought “yeah. That won’t be us it will always be smooth sailing. I was 28”.

Here I am 50, 22 years of marriage and I know now what they mean.  No marriage is all “up”, fun times 24/7.  You weather the ups and downs together and what comes out of that is profound.  Too many people either settled and married the wrong person or hit the first major obstacle and look for a way out or an affair.[/quote]

I wish I'd had a lovecloud. Never had that. What a mistake. My husband is great and all that, but I can't even remember having that infatuation. [/quote]

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